


The Pinocchio Promise

by jferran



Category: Cold Case, Covert Affairs, Make It or Break It, Once Upon a Time (TV)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-30
Updated: 2021-01-07
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:09:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 28,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28437402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jferran/pseuds/jferran
Summary: Here's everything that would have happened after August abandons Emma at the orphanage. On the program: Trips, meetings that changed his life, disappointments, mistakes but also a love story. NA: I'm French but I wanted to make an English version to have more readers, so it might be possible that there are mistakes and don't hesitate to tell me. Enjoy your lecture !
Relationships: Baelfire | Neal Cassidy/Pinocchio | August Booth, Ben Mercer/Annie Walker, Geppetto | Marco & Pinocchio | August Booth, Pinocchio | August Booth/Emma Swan





	1. The hell of the orphonage

Now, I'm no longer the wooden puppet, Pinocchio, but a whole different side of him. My name is August, in your world, a real man finally honest and fulfilled with his father and the people he loves. But I wasn't always that man, it took a long time. I have assimilated myself as a good person, like the person that I am finally worthy to be, for a short time. So, I decided to tell you my story.

Thirty years ago, I made a promise to my father: take care over young Princess Emma, Snow White's daughter. At that moment, she was just a baby, barely a day old. I had to make sure that on her twenty-eighth birthday, she broke the evil queen's curse. This lifted curse will allow me to find my father.

I was only seven at the time but I was so excited to see my dear daddy again so keeping that promise was an obligation for me. I still see the last image of my old father's face, filled with tears, saying goodbye to me before closing the wardrobe.

I found myself in a strange world, with machines that fly in the sky comparing birds, or even buildings that don't look anything like what I saw in the Enchanted Forest. In this dense and deep forest where the wardrobe transported me, I find this magnificent baby. Who could believe that this innocent child already had a fate laid out? You could even say the same thing for me, but the future will decide very differently in my case. So I carry Emma in my little arms with her blanket and I walk, I walk, hoping that someone might be able to give me some information.

Having run around for several hours with an infant weighing just three kilograms, I felt tired and nearly passed out. But then, I saw a sign where I could read "BOSTON" (luckily I went to school a bit to learn to read). I found myself in a small alley near a Dinner. I saw some kind of horseless "wheeled carriages" that seemed to walk on their own. A man yelled at me as I almost got run over:

« Hey, be careful where you go, kid! »

I pretended to apologize and stepped aside, stepping back. I didn't even see that I had jostled an old couple.

« Oh ! Excuse me ! »

« You look lost, my child, the old lady said worriedly, » she turned to Emma « Who is this little angel and what does a young boy your age do with a baby? Where are your parents? »

Although this woman and her husband looked very nice, I immediately understood that this world had nothing to do with mine, that magic didn't exist and that the customs were very different. I knew my main flaw was lying, but lying can still get us out of this kind of situation and then hiding the existence of magic or our world isn't really a lie, given that if we say the truth, we wouldn't be believed.

« Yes, I'm lost, I ... here is Emma, I found her on the side of the road, she was abandoned and alone and I too am alone, I have no parents, my father is gone ... and we've been walking for hours ... and ... » I cried hot with tears to make myself complain, « I don't know this city, I'm lost »

The old woman, taken by surprise, pulled Emma in her arms to free me and stroked my hair, she approached me.

« Oh dearie, I'm sorry for both of you. We can accommodate you for a while if you want ... »

« No ! » her husband interrupted , « Judy, we're too old to take care of these kids. »

« But look at them, Paul, this boy is scared and dying of fatigue and the poor little one is cold ... »

The man didn't pity us, he approached me.

« My boy, I know a very good orphanage horizonschildren, his name is, he is not far from here, I will take you with your little protégé. You will undoubtedly have the chance to meet a good family who will adopt you. »

« I don't want to be separated from Emma » I exclaimed kissing the little one on the forehead

« You won't be separated, I promise you, kid. »

He smiled at me, took my hand and took me to the orphanage on foot. His wife followed us, still with Emma in her arms.

We came to a wicket where a young woman was waiting for us.

« Go ahead, tell her all the information she asks you for, » the man recommended

I walked over to her.

« Hello Madam »

« Good morning kid »

« I need a home, for me and for Emma, I found her in the street.

« How old are you ? »

« I'm almost 8 years old and Emma has just been born ... »

« Where are your parents? »

« We were abandoned ... »

« I just have to write an article for the little girl, if her parents ever find her ... Alright, what's your name? »

« My name is Pi ...

« it may be a strange name for this world but I saw August writing on a piece of paper in front of her, it was the first word I had read, without thinking »

« August , my name is August. »

I spent more than a year in this hell: rotten food and especially men and women who torture us physically and mentally ... I remember a certain Mr Raskind who didn't want me to repair the cradle Emma and that hit me. But, I promised my father that I would watch over Emma so I ignored my suffering, until one day when children of my age came to offer me something that turned that promise upside down.

« Hey », The most paunchy told me « Can you keep a secret? »

I nodded. He took a large quantity of money out of his hand. I was amazed and surprised.

« Where did you get that ? »

« Stole it from the sock drawer, it's enough to buy us all bus tickets out of here and go see the world ... So you wanna come?

This boy looked pretty nice and his four friends who were looking at me with a big smile were too and if they could help me leave this dreadful place, I was immediately taken ... But, I was going to forget the most important: Emma!

« I told my father I'd take care Emma, can she come? Please ! »

« We can't take care of a baby. You want to stay here for the rest of your life, be my guest.

What to do ? I felt like I was going back. When I was still a puppet and someone offered to go to Pleasure Island and leave my dad alone. I was never really proud of that time.

I looked at Emma, so cute, with her little mouth trying to say "don't go, stay". But, I had to join them. How could a seven year old kid live in this new world without knowing anything? I realized that my father asked too much of me and that after a year of living with Emma in an austere and scary place without having discovered anything about it, I could no longer. I wanted to live my life without having someone dictate my conduct. I'll find her eventually, later. And then, it's just a baby, social services will take good care of her. If I had known what she would have gone through later, I would never have left her ... Today, I bitterly regret having trusted social services.

I looked at my little protégé, her sad face, approached the cradle and stroked her forehead. I'm just saying:

« I'm so sorry, Emma. »

Then, I left to join my group of friends without looking back ...


	2. A new world

Here I am in this new world with my five new friends. Like wanderers, we crossed the entire western United States (New York, Washington, Philadelphia, Chicago) on foot.

I finally discovered the real culture and the life that will now be mine for I don't know how many years. There is no magic in this world except all these machines like cars, planes, telephones which were starting to go global.

To my amazement, I got used to it pretty quickly but I didn't necessarily know how to be myself without being ... myself. I had to refuse to be Pinocchio and be August.

But who is August?

For the moment a simple American child.

I was getting quite curious to start my new identity, to know my new life. I had to forget my life before, stop thinking about it.

When I was a puppet, I hardly went to school, I liked to have fun, play the silly, laugh, lie but this new more real country made me curious and I preferred to stay wise and take an interest in its history.

That's why, after five years of wandering around a few cities in the US, I couldn't wait to enter college, to learn things that were beyond my curiosity. I got along well with this group of friends especially with Gordie, the little fat guy and band leader. He made me laugh and he was really nice. He taught me a lot about life. During those five years, I didn't think about Emma anymore, I was so happy to discover so many things, traditions, inventions that I didn't know ...

We were all in our eleventh year. We settled in Wisconsin, with no money, no home, sleeping under the stars, no family but we seemed pretty close-knit (I say « seemed » because I knew very little about them, actually). It was really nice, but secretly I wanted to live normally and accept the customs of Americans.

I invited them to enter college, a free college, fortunately. We managed to get enrolled at James Madison College in Appleton rather easily. Nothing was like in the Enchanted Forest…. The building was huge, there were few trees, it was quite urban but the interior was amazing.

There was a large library that I visited from day one. I discovered an author who wrote a text about lying. It must have been the first book I read. I found it very interesting because I recognized myself a lot in it despite the difficulty of reading. This author's name is Wayne Booth… .. I didn't have a last name and that name suited me perfectly.

Here is my new identity:

August Wayne Booth.

I was also surprised to see characters that were very familiar to me on the "fairy" rays: Pinocchio by Carlo Collodi, Snow White, Rumplestiltskin by Grimm, ... No one spoke of magic but it was for that. In this world, these stories are only the imagination of the authors. As I started to read a few pages of my story, I recognized a lot of similarities. I realized that I was totally in another world. Each character had their own story and it usually ended quite well.

« I see you're interested in fairy tales », Gordie said to me. « Do you know Walt Disney? »

« Who ? »

« He adapted all these tales for the cinema. »

I nodded even though I couldn't understand a word of what he was telling me.

« Have you never seen a movie in your life? » he resumed

« I don't know », I skewed.

He left and returned for a few moments with a sort of box.

« Look, this is an animated movie » (I could read Pinocchio), « it was Walt Disney who adapted it »

« I don't understand », I said just feeling a little silly.

« How to explain ? On a screen, stories come to life like moving pictures, it can be either with real actors, or in cartoon like this one. »

« Wow! » I marveled, « I want to see this! »

We will go to the cinema tonight, there is an incredible film that has just been released, it seems, a film with dinosaurs.

Cinema, why wasn't that in the enchanted forest? I was eager to discover the other things that I didn't know in this world.

My first day of class was a bit strange but fascinating. There were a lot of courses so different that you could get lost in them. The teachers were nice, but I found the same people a bit sour as in the orphanage.

Nevertheless, during all my schooling there was one that stood out from the others: I knew him in my 4th year, he was my literature teacher, his name was Ezra Iarding and he completely changed my life. teenager.

Even today, I sometimes think of him.

Ezra Iarding was in his forties, yes the same age as of this writing, and he quickly became a father figure. He had Mexican origins. His course was always interesting and I, who was rather discreet in class, didn't hesitate to speak up, to take the plunge in his lessons.

At the beginning of a week, I didn't intervene. It was a week that started off rather sadly. Gordie had stolen a lot of food and got caught. He found us and the police took us to the station and sent us to a juvenile detention center. We were like in prison, it was awful but we continued to go to school.

But Mr. Iarding has helped me a lot. After class, after all the students had left, he came up to me, asking me what was wrong. Gordie and the others were watching us from the hallway. I explained to him my situation, the orphanage then the prison recently.

« I don't know how to live in this world, I don't have any money. »

« Listen to me, you know during my whole career, I have never met a young boy like you who was desperate to succeed and given your last results, I see that you are giving your all and I am extremely proud of you. I know you are capable of great things »

« Thank you, I will never disappoint you, » I said as I leave.

« Wait, I haven't finished. I refuse that a kid like you is in a detention center, it's very sad. Come live with me, I'm sure my wife will accept. But when you're old enough you'll have to find a job and find accommodation. »

I was very moved by his invitation. Finally, someone didn't take pity on me, I had the sincere feeling that he really believed in me and that no one had been able to do so far.

« I don't know how to thank you »

I looked at my clan who looked disappointed.

« But and my friends, they're like me ... »

« My wife is a lawyer, I think she can find a solution for them but know one thing in this world you can only count on yourself. But sometimes you may need a little help. » He told me with a wink.

I followed him home. His wife, Olivia, was very nice, she was almost like the mother I never had. I was fed, housed, I had a real bed, a real bedroom. What could be better ? I was happy. Mr. Iarding nevertheless required me to read two books a week from his selection and that I make a review. He wanted me to work even when I didn't have class.

At first, it was tiring but I liked it ... One story among all the ones I read caught my attention: The Ugly Duckling! Mr Iarding told me about his vision of history and I recognized myself in it and I also wanted another person to understand it ...


	3. Taste for litterature

Know that finding her there was a pure coincidence.

Maybe it's fate, who knows?

She wasn't that far from my house. I remember, her gaze was blank, the gaze of the lost child I knew all too well. She must have been around ten years old, she was blonde and adorable but she lived on the streets. I recognized her even though the last time it was just a baby. Her face was so familiar to me.

She was burning book pages and it was the ugly duckling. Too many happy coincidences ...

I approached her and grabbed the pages in extremis ... I know she couldn't recognize me ...

« Look, the ugly duckling! I loved this one when I was a kid.

« You're still a child », she told me annoyed.

« You've got spunk, I laughed. The best fairy tales are about the same thing. Transformation, I annotated while reciting what my surrogate father told me, You know... See, a duck it becomes a swan. It's beatiful »

« That's not what it's about. The duck has always a swan, just didn't know it ... »

I felt like I was starting a debate but I wanted her to understand something crucial, I wanted her to have the right to the life that I had at that time: a family and a home.

« Maybe that's how you see it. But I see it as about belief. About a duckling believing so hard believing so hard that she'd become a swan. One day, it actually happened. If we believe in strongly enough, we all have the power to change our fate. Speaking of which, is this really the fate you want ? Maybe your last home was bad. Doesn't mean you won't find a good one, someday. »

I think she understood.

She offered to accompany her to the police station so that she could ask for a new family. As she left the police station, she thanked me for helping her. She had regained hope and that was the least I could do.  
Gordie who passed by had seen me in company  
"You made a new friend, she's cute"  
Gordie was becoming the type to hang out a lot of girls and flirt with them all and he was doing well. He was taking care of himself, he was on a diet and the girls in high school liked him, she found him cool and funny. I was totally the opposite with him: shy and no sociable. And yet there were some who appreciated me for my mysterious and lonely side, but I acted as if they were invisible. But with Emma it was totally different, she still needed my help and I knew it and even wanted it.  
"Gordie, do you remember the baby I left at the orphanage?"  
"Ah yes, the one who made you doubt, you never wanted to tell me this story with her"  
"It's a complicated story"  
"I have all my time" he laughed  
I didn't want to talk to him about it, it bothered me a lot  
"This little girl with whom I was, it's the baby and I realize that she lived in the street, I wanted to help her as I haven't been for 8 years"  
"How noble!" he smiled, touching my shoulder  
"Gordie, I'll tell you my story if you do me a big favor"  
"I'm listening to you"  
"I would like you to help me look after her, I don't want Ezra and Olivia to know about it, I know they are my new family but Emma is more important to me than you can imagine. "  
"Okay"  
"Ok?" I said amazed  
"Yeah, if that can ease your conscience, I want to watch over your little protege"  
Gordie might be a womanizer and an idiot at times, but he was my only friend I cared about. He had made me discover so many things in this world. I would never have done it without him.  
"If you tell me everything," he added.  
I didn't want to tell him the truth, I was in this world to escape it, to escape my old life.  
"My father's friends asked him to take care of their baby because they were too young and trusted him, my father agreed but he had problems with the law, I was forbidden to see him again but before that, he asked me to look after this baby so that we are all together afterwards. I know it's a complicated story "  
"Yeah it's true, but it's a pretty story"  
"I just want Emma to have a good family like me, a home like you finally have, like we finally have"

We watched her for a little while to make sure she was really happy and fulfilled. And her life seemed to have changed.

Now I tell myself that maybe I had given up on her a second time, seeing as I didn't look after her long enough but she told me that this lesson had changed her life and maybe it is what is most important. Maybe for once I did a good deed because now she has become a swan.

The new Emma: Emma Swan.

It may have helped her, but it served me even more. I had understood one thing, the stories inspired me and I wanted to inspire people, to give them good lessons through my stories and the reviews, the analyzes that Ezra gave me helped me to understand life, to understand the thought of human. I wanted to start writing, create my own stories. Mr. Iarding found this idea very attractive.

During my high school year, I won a few news awards, some of which were published in the school newspaper. It was a first step towards recognition.

For my seventeen-year birthday, Ezra and Olivia contributed with Gordie's help to give me a typewriter, the one I'm using now. It was heavy but very practical.

Then Gordie had managed to find us a job as a waiter in the restaurant of a large classical dance theater. It allowed me to earn a lot of money.

I could even find accommodation for myself but I didn't want to leave the Iardings, I really liked them very much and I secretly still needed them so that I wouldn't make bad choices. It was still too difficult to lead my life alone.

In order for him to keep me as long as possible, I wanted to work hard, make them proud and at the same time, make my dear daddy who was very far from me proud.

I obtained my diplomas with honors, then I wanted to do major studies of letters, familiarize myself with my passion for words. My surrogate parents were very proud of me and I was happy.

But it was only short-lived. Gordie, having withdrawn from our old comrades wanted us to go see the world. I admired him, he was my guide in this new world.

Ezra and Olivia wanted me to be happy, and Ezra told me that "the best writers always start to see the world before they write masterpieces."

But, I was so sad to say goodbye to them especially that I never saw them again: these seven years have been synonymous with peace.

To celebrate my departure as it should be, they gave me what will become my best friend: an absolutely beautiful Harley Davidson motorcycle. (Ezra's brother had taught me how to ride the motorbike, for a few months and I was pretty good).

Since that day, I don't never left it again.


	4. The wonderful things in this world

These four years really dazzled me. With Gordie, we were together very often except when he preferred to seduce the young girls he met.

At first I didn't understand what attracted him, why girls were so important to him, but I didn't know that a few years later, I would be worse than him.

At that time, I preferred to discover and fantasize about the fabulous landscapes of Asia.

Each country was so different, so curious. All cultures diversified, it was amazing. I have met admirable people who have told me about their customs and who have given me the benefit. We started with the Grand Canyon where it was hard not to get lost, then we continued with Japan, China, Taiwan, Korea, Singapore, India.

We spent the last year of these trips with Nepal. It was my favorite place. Nepal has a great variety of landscapes and it was beautiful. There were huge mountains the tallest I have ever seen. We did everything, thanks to my motorbike, sometimes we would take the boat.

Those were the only years when I forgot everything, when my previous life didn't matter anymore.

But the next country changed me… forever!


	5. A saddest love story

I know some might have said I made the wrong choice, or others might think that choice was the only one possible. Here I am for over a week in paradise on earth: Sri Lanka.

The start of the trip is not that interesting, but what is important is the day I met Annie Walker ... this woman ... how can I forget her? If I hadn't met her, my life wouldn't have been so tragic …

I saw her one afternoon, on the beach. Sometimes I carried my typewriter. Strange, would you tell me? Well yes, Annie had the same reaction, but that's what motivated her to come and talk to me.

She giggled.

« With my sister, we noticed you with your typewriter, fully dressed, on the beach. I have been going to Sri Lanka for 20 years and I have never seen someone like this. »

« I love to write and old things are always more appealing than new technologies. »

She was smiling at me, I was myself seduced. Girls and love had never interested me, even in high school. Some stereotypical little pests had fun flirting with me or wanting to go out with me but I ignored them: these girls, brainless, who only think about boys, fashion, makeup, sex, wanting to be more mature than their age while the intellectuals are much older, without playing it all the time. I liked Annie, she was the kind of girl who could force my admiration. She had an aura and a kind of strength in her that tamed me.

« I'm in Sri Lanka, only a few days so I haven't gotten used to familiarizing myself with your culture », I laughed.

« Well, here we are not here to work but to have fun

She gave me her hand to get me up

« You know how to have fun, Mr. Writer? »

« I looked at her then stared at her hand for several seconds, I stroked it before she lifted me up. Our faces were close and we looked at each other like it was going on forever. She bit her lip. She didn't seem intimidated, on the contrary she seemed more amused.

« Sure, but it depends what kind of fun, young lady. »

« Tonight there is the Festival of Lights, it is the last day today we send lights in the sky, there is music, dance and typical food from here. If you do not know Sri Lanka, I would like to show you all that, tourist. »

« Alright », I laughed, trying to catch her smile again.

I was totally under her spell, I don't know how it was possible.

Love at first sight ? It doesn't exist, it only happens to Snow White, not to an old wooden puppet. But I wanted to try my luck as best I could, to know her. She offered to join her in front of her house at 7 p.m.

Gordie had seen it all and made fun of me.

« Well, she's very sexy ! You want to sex with her, I'm sure! »

« Yes », I said, without paying attention to his last sentence, I came to my senses and looked at him, « What? No ! »

With all the girls I have met, I recognize that Annie was beautiful, but I have seen the most beautiful, the sexiest, is that, Annie was not like all the others and I understood that this meeting with her had changed me a lot and not just for the bad. She made me more confident, less reserved and stuck.

« Don't be stupid, she keeps looking at you, you can finally have your first time sex without too much effort. »

« Say no bullshit, you just think about it », I said embarrassed but still amused. « I'm not necessarily comfortable with girls, maybe you could give me some advice? I saw you during the trips, you flirted without too many problems. »

« That's what I'm saying, you want to sex with her », he laughed.

« Not like you think ... »

« Listen, the leather jacket doesn't please you, girls like men who look good. Look at me I have really changed. When we met I was a little fat now I look good, I went on a diet and here is the result. Well, you're okay, you have a pretty well-made body, but how you dress is not to please. I heard she invited you to this party, you were going to go like that? »

« I don't know, maybe... »

« Come. »

I put my typewriter in the suitcase and put it on my motorcycle. Gordie and I walked to the market.

« You really think I'm going to buy this kind of clothes », I said disgusted seeing Sri Lankan costumes, full of sequins and all colors.

« But no, we will surely find you something more versatile but still elegant. »

After twenty minutes of research, Gordie got me a blue shirt and gray shorts.

« Here, she will love it! »

I liked it, I felt changed, I was more comfortable, more relaxed

« And leave one or two buttons open at the top, it will make him want to discover your body! »

I gave him a friendly pat, embarrassed though I did.

I was ahead to meet her at the meeting point. I waited for her at least half an hour, I was afraid she would put me down.

And no ! She was there in shorts, a little white shirt that hinted at her swimsuit top, her hair was loose curly in dark and light blond colors. She wore stiletto heels that fit her perfectly.

« You came ? » She said smiling. « I realize I don't even know your name. I'm Annie. »

She gave me her hand

« August », I said, blushing for the first time.

« It's a very pretty name, It's the hottest month, where the sun warms our hearts. »

She laughed

« Sorry, maybe it sounds a bit too kish say like that? »

« No, it's nothing it's nice, yours is not bad either. »

I didn't know so much what to answer that I preferred to say banalities.

« Do you mind taking my motorbike to go? »

« Seriously ? », she exclaimed, surprised, « why not? »

We arrived in downtown Colombo. The lights started to come on it was beautiful

« I've never seen anything like it », I said stunned.

We walked quite close but we didn't talk much, she showed me all the decorations.

« Tell me a bit about this party? »

She celebrates many things here: the birth, enlightenment and death of the Buddha

« Just that ? Are you Buddhist? »

« I find you very curious », she laughed. « No, I'm a hundred percent agnostic, I think there is something but I don't know what. My maternal grandparents have been Buddhists since they came to live here. »

« Where do you come from ? »

« From Washington, I am studying there and I live with my sister. Wait don't you want us to go eat somewhere I'm starving? »

« Yes me too ! »

She took me, grabbing my hand, to a tent.

« What is that ? »

« Kottu roti is the specialty here. Taste it is delicious. »

She gave me a spoonful of this stew in my mouth. (Yes it was very good)

We had a Sri Lankan beer, the lion lager. The music was in full swing. She took me to the beach to dance. Putting my hands around her bare back was strange but she forced me to. I felt her hair on my face and her forehead hitting my ear. I couldn't even look at her because I felt so good, I was afraid to kiss her, to ruin this moment. It was already midnight but we continued to talk, to drink.

We've said so much to each other in two years that I can't tell you what we said to each other at that time. I learned, however, that she was studying law. She had a lot of language skills: English, Tamil, French, Spanish, Italian but also Mandarin and Russian. She was absolutely amazing.

But she wanted to stop her studies for a while to sit down and think. And, especially Sri Lanka, did her the greatest good because her grandparents and her sister who came twice a year were her only family. Her mother had died when she was six years old and her military father was increasingly absent leaving her five year older sister to care for her.

I thought she saw me as a stranger, but she seemed like she needed to talk to someone who was not related to her. As for me, I couldn't talk to her about my past even though chatting with her was magical.

« I always spent my weekends, in military bases, because of my father. After high school, I was able to offer myself the happiness of leaving where I wanted because it made me happy, not because my father was stationed there, I wanted to make my decisions on my own, I was in control of my own destiny , that must sound a little ridiculous to you. »

If she knew how bad it was for me. It was exactly what I had been looking for since I was in this world.

« And you, why are you here? »

« Almost for the same reasons! »

I think I liked being mysterious, and I felt that attracted her. Likewise, later she had asked me about the Monstro necklace that I kept in memory of my father, I was very vague.  
When I was with her I didn't want to think about my life before, I just wanted to be August, not Pinocchio.  
I had changed my version from what I told Gordie and Ezra to totally forgot about my old life. I wanted to make myself believe that Annie would be my future and that nothing could count anymore and I realize now that it was totally selfish.  
"I am an orphan, I never knew my parents, I was in foster care until I was 8 and after that I ran away and tried to live my life with other children and my literature teacher who adopted me. I've spent my whole life running away from my problems and finding myself there, I feel like I'm finally at peace with myself, like being in a dream"  
I looked at her with a beautiful light in my eyes telling her that she was certainly my dream. I liked her because she didn't seem totally charmed and she didn't have a great deal of pity for me, she seemed to understand me and seemed very natural and it was nice to speak with a person who knew how to listen without complaining to us all the time.  
"And don't you miss your teacher?"  
"Yes, a lot but you have to try to get by on your own, I told myself that it was really time for me to finally live my life"  
She smiled to me, understanding.  
Moments later, we were walking on the beach. She looked at my hand and took it gently and stopped. I looked at her, admired her, I was literally crazy about her. I couldn't talk to her. I stroked her cheek, she stroked my hand, letting it rock, and took my reverse cheek. When I looked at her I could make out small tears, I didn't know what they meant but I finally approached her and she suddenly put her lips on mine. I returned this gesture so affectionate and it had no end. I stroked her back and lower chest.

During all my life, I had the right to such wonderful serenity. While continuing to kiss her, I carried her and she put her legs on my thighs. I won in the waves and our kisses were becoming more and more sensual. She took off my shirt and threw it on the beach, I did the same with hers. We then found ourselves at the bottom of the water like mermaids, continuing to kiss each other.

Want to know the rest? I think you can imagine it but I'd rather keep it to myself.

Then we slept on the sand.

But Gordie woke me up:

« You made it a former virgin, I'm proud of you. »

« Gordie, you woke me up. »

« So how was it? Did you enjoy? »

« I don't want to answer any of your questions », I looked at Annie sleeping, peaceful.

« I don't believe it ! Did you fall in love with her? »

« Maybe. »

« What then? We had to keep traveling. We said to each other, we make a girl in each country and we continue our journey and you have sex with the first girl who came and you already want to make your life with her. »

« You're the one saying that Gordie and it's not the first girl to came », I was starting to get angry.

« You're the one who says it ! »

« What do you mean by that ? »

« What I mean is that one day it will lose you! Maybe you love her and maybe she loves you too but you know as well as I do that it's not going to last ... »

« Why do you say that ? »

« But in relation to who you are! Look at you, I've understood you well for all these years. You think about that baby that you abandoned sixteen years ago, it eats away at you from the inside and you try to forget what you did by thinking about something else but one day it will all lose you and you will be alone. .. »

At the time, I thought he was just jealous but unfortunately he was right.

« Where you go ? »

« Bye », he shouted at me with a middle finger.

Annie woke up:

« What is happening ? Wasn't he your friend? Why is he leaving? »

« He's not really a friend, he's just a traveling companion, it's nothing! »

« Really ? »

I changed the subject

« Annie, why me, why did you kiss me when we hardly know each other? »

« You know, I've been going to Sri Lanka for ages and life is so monotonous here, always doing the same thing, people aren't always welcoming and I don't often meet American tourists. And you, you're different, I felt it right away. And sometimes I need to have someone who listens to me, to have fun, to go on an adventure and not just with my sister ... »

« So let's go on an adventure together », I exclaimed, smiling, kissing her and then hugging her.

During these two years, a lot has happened and at the same time not much. Even though almost every day we were swimming, we sex together, we go shopping.  
Coming back from swimming, I caught her reading my short stories.  
"I'm impressed, I never thought you were a fan of writing anyway, but why the typewriter, you don't prefer computers or handwriting? Or is it to seduce all the curious girls like me ", she laughed playfully.  
"Well the proof that no, you were the only curious little one", I kissed her, she bit her lip and stroked my chest.  
"I told you, I like old things and it gives me a certain style"  
"Yes, it's true"  
She turned to continue reading. I stroked her shoulders, standing behind her. She entwined her fingers in mine.  
"You can promise me one thing"  
I was willing to do a lot of things for her, but I was thinking the same for my dad at the time and broke my promise.  
"Tell me"  
"I want you to write a novel, short stories is not bad but if you claim to be a writer you have to write a great and beautiful story"  
I knelt down in front of her.  
"And what would this story be about?"  
"I don't know, about you, about me or other things, with everything you wrote I believe in your imagination enough to write a wonderful story but the most important is that I want to be the first to read, and I want to be your biggest fan "  
I kissed her passionately. I couldn't believe how much I loved her, with her intelligence, character and great law studies, I told myself that I would never match a woman like her and see her believe in me, it was like a blessing.

Every day was different and we didn't want there to be an end to how happy we were. We slept every night in a sort of cabin on the small Unawatuna beach, in the south of Sri Lanka, a little piece of heaven, isolated from everything, like an island just for us. But it was necessary to put furniture: a bed, small tables, and instead of buying them.

I managed to amaze her once again by building with my own hands, all with tools that I had found in supermarkets. I remembered everything my father had taught me, I still built the magic cabinet with him.

"Writing isn't your only talent, you're very pretty handy in fact. Where did you learn to do that?"  
"Woodshop. Eight grade"  
"You had to be the top of the class," she scoffed.  
It pained me a little not to tell her about my father, but I didn't want to make things complicated.  
One day we met a young boy who wanted to sell us little shell bracelets. Annie looked interested.  
"What do you take for seashells to make your bracelets"  
"Special seashells so that you never leave each other"  
We both laughed. It seemed perhaps a little too silly to us to believe in what he said but Sri Lanka had this effect on us there: to live in a dream, a paradise and to escape the true reality. I felt like the hero of a romantic story who no longer wanted to think about the hardships of life, who just wanted a beautiful and adorable young woman by his side, forgetting everything else. And that was what those bracelets meant at the moment. But it was only a dream and not life, my life. The one that started hitting me in the face a few weeks later.

One morning, when Annie was away to get breakfast, on my typewriter, there was a note that said "come and meet me at noon, if you want to see your family". At first I saw it as a joke, it was not possible, no one here knew my world.

I went to the market place, pretending to Annie a surprise lunch. I saw a man in a golden hood that no one around seemed to notice. He motioned for me to follow him and I joined him to a path. The man took off his hood and I saw a young black man just a few years older than me. I had never seen him before.

« Who are you ? »

« Nice to meet you Pinocchio! »

I didn't understand how it was possible, how could he know?

« Don't be afraid, my name is Merlin, and I'm here to make sure you don't forget your mission! »

« What are you doing in this world? Have you managed to escape the curse? »

« Listen August, I don't have much time, I'm just a hologram, only you can see me. I have been trapped in a tree for years, I use my limited strength to come and talk to you and warn you ... »

« Warn against what? »

« You're gonna have to forget about this girl. In two years, you will have to force Emma to fulfill her destiny and for that, you will have to separate her from Baelfire ... »

« Why me ? »

« You are the only person who can help her, the only person who can put her on the right path and then you want to find your father, right? So you don't have a choice Pinocchio. »

I felt like I heard the same words as Gordie but with the words of my world.

« How will I know and when exactly? »

« I'll give you a clue », he said, disappearing.

From that moment, the lies really started, it was worse than when I was a wooden puppet, because it affected me every time I told Annie one of them, I didn't want her. hurt but I had no choice. I even prevented her from going home, once, I didn't want her to have to leave me, I wanted it to be me but as late as possible. 

"Do you know what day is tomorrow?" she asked me, quite sad.  
I knew it very well but I wanted to forget it, she had to go away, resume her classes in Washington, it had already been 6 months since we were together and none of us wanted to resume a normal life. I touched her shoulder, melancholy.  
"I have to get back on the plane tomorrow. Look, I don't really know what you think of all this, what you think of us. But if you want me to stay, I can, I'm not in a rush yet, I can give up my classes for now if we both continue to travel "  
I loved her so much that even though I wanted her to be successful, I didn't want to be far from her. I didn't want to believe that in a while, it would be me who would leave her, but I wanted to wait until the last moment to take advantage of her by my side as much as possible. It was too horrible to let her go.  
"Stay, I don't want you to go"  
She kissed me, she looked so happy that I was holding her back and it touched me, even though part of me said it was a really bad choice.  
"That's exactly what I wanted to hear you say"

The worst lie was after my first lunch at his grandparents' house.

Two months later, on returning from the market one afternoon, Annie received a phone call from her grandparents.

She had told them about me not long ago, explaining the only reason she hadn't come home and that worried her sister Danielle a lot, who had never known her like that.

As for these ancestors, it made them happy because she could see them more but Annie was not yet ready to introduce them to me and I understood. It sometimes happened that she went to lunch with them without me.

But that day was different, she had told them so much about me that they wanted very much to meet me and her sister too, present, at the same time.

  
"They insisted that you have dinner with us tonight," she warnd me.  
"So am I finally part of the family?" I laughed  
"It's true that we've been together for 8 months, they are very curious to know the man with whom I keep talking to them"  
"I will be very honored to meet your family, Annie. Should I put on my 31 and / or give a present"  
She burst out laughing  
"No you don't have to be perfect, you already are, I don't want you to do a lot, just be yourself, that's all I want"

  
To be myself, what did that mean? I wasn't even "myself" when I was with her, I was just a living lie.  
They lived in a sublime house not far from the capital. When I entered their residence they seemed so happy to meet me, never had I felt such pride and friendliness in the eyes of people I had just met. Her grandmother had even hugged me.  
"Finally, I meet you, mister the mysterious boyfriend"  
It was amazing because it was the first time I heard this word. Annie and I had never designated a single word about our relationship, even if we never said that we loved each other, we showed it a lot, by listening to each other, by our hugs which meant a lot more than just a sex relationship. I learned to really make a difference later.  
"August, this is my grandparents, Rose and Sam and this is my sister Danielle"  
Danielle looked a lot like Annie physically but it ended there. She was much less relaxed and laughing than Annie, she looked very serious, with a strong character.

I must admit that at first I didn't like her. She was so haughty that it annoyed me but I wanted to look good.  
Throughout the meal, They asked me all kinds of questions like where I came from, why Sri Lanka, what I did for a job, I felt like I had to do an interrogation but it taught me how to try to stay as honest as possible in these stories that I had told myself but also in what really happened after the orphanage not to mention Emma.

Everything had to coincide with what I had told Annie, otherwise it would really sound like a lie and I shouldn't hesitate so that it sounded suspicious.

Her ancestors were really kind and good listening. Danielle was pretty quiet at first, but sometimes she would give me doubtful looks and I would try to ignore it. I didn't really know why she wanted to demean me at all costs, she certainly wanted to protect her sister but why? If it was another person, would she have reacted the same? I couldn't believe I was going to figure it out any faster than I thought I would.

  
"And what are you two thinking of doing, you've been together for quite a while now, you must have plans for the future," she retorted, wondering what I would be able to offer her.

  
Annie and I had never really thought about it, we looked at each other a bit like two stray puppies and Annie gave her sister an amused look.

  
"To tell the truth, we're good here for the moment, we've already traveled a lot, we've done all of Sri Lanka, even places I don't know, we've also seen India and we're ready to continue even further. August has a motorbike, it's pretty easy to go wherever you want "

  
I continued to look at her, without real thought, just telling myself that my life not had so much meaning before I met her. She didn't hesitate to stroke my hand which was on my legs.

  
"And I'm not ready to ask myself yet, I want to enjoy life with him"  
"It's a very beautiful project, darling," her grandmother replied  
"Enjoying life without worrying about the important things can also end badly," Danielle said, not looking at anyone.  
"Can I know what you mean by that?" Annie asked her, trying to keep calm  
"No, nothing it's just an observation, nothing more, with Michael, of course, we've known each other for less time than you but I did not hesitate to make him meet grandpa and grandma, to have an apartment and a stable job with him because I know very well what happens when we don't talk about the future and when we don't tell each other things honestly and I think you know it better than me, Annie "  
"But with August we are very honest with each other"  
"Of course I believe so," she said wryly.  
With his grandparents, we totally had the impression of being invisible in front of this discussion between these two sisters who were starting to turn into an argument, her grandfather wanted to ask me a question to change the subject but Annie interrupted him.  
"Danielle, say what you have to say, it annoys me your innuendo which means absolutely nothing"  
"Oh but I'm not sure our dear guest really wants to know the girl you're back then, the one I thought you erased but who reappeared when you met him, the girl naive, who doesn't know men enough to know that they are all liars if we are not really sure what they really think, I thought that had served as lessons for you ", Danielle threw out with such honesty that it affected everyone, especially me who felt very uncomfortable and looking, Annie, mad with rage, I understood that there was worse.  
"But you said you were being honest with each other so you probably told him about your previous love affair"  
"Danielle, you're going too far," replied her grandfather who seemed to know this story.  
Annie stood up abruptly, looking at her fists on the tablecloth.  
"Why are you doing this? You know very well how hard it is for me to talk about it? What did I do to you that you dare to put me down to this point? I had never seen you as that, I think we should go "

She took my hand, without saying anything. I had never seen her in such rage, even in any rage that I dared not speak to her. She was always the kind of pacifist girl and always a smile on her face. Even though I wanted to know what she was hiding, I didn't want to rush her either. I respected her choice as I could respect mine not to say anything to her. Secrets are part of being human and loved ones should understand it, even though some secrets can do more harm than good.

An angel passed for several hours.

In the evening, I saw her rolled up in her sheets to make the face.

« It's okay ? Do you want to talk about this ? »

No answer

« Do you want me to go? »

« No stay », she whispered.

I lay down beside her, without touching her and without looking at her. She had turned her back on me. I somehow managed to break the ice.

« You know your sister just wants to protect you from bad boys like me », I joked.

« You are not a bad boy and then that has nothing to do with it, she gets involved a little too much in what does not concern her but, she's right the problem is not her it is me. »

« What do you mean ? »

Annie got up and sat down on the bed, in profile to me. She swallowed, she didn't look like she was normal.

« A few years ago I fell in love with a boy, his name was Ben. He had been my childhood friend since I was five, I have always trusted him. But in high school, we started dating and a few months later he told me he was moving, that we couldn't see each other again. But in fact, he lied to me. »

She started to cry bitter tears

« He had cancer, lung cancer for several weeks and he didn't say anything to me, surely, not to hurt me. »

I didn't expect to hear such a dreadful story even though I was glad it was opening up to me.

« And how did you know? »

« I had his parents on the phone to ask if they had arrived at their new home and they told me, in tears, that he had died two days before. »

« Annie, I'm so sorry », I hugged her, so sad for her. « It's not your fault, you could never have known. »

« I blame myself so much for trusting him, I felt like I had let my guard down. Since that day, I haven't been able to trust any of the boys I had met, I was afraid of being hurt again one day or another. »

It was totally surreal and so unwelcome of me, teaching her moral lessons on something I was going to have in store for her in a few months but somewhere deep down I wanted her to continue to trust me.

« And me ? You trust me ? »

She smiled at me and kissed me.

"You sure have secrets too but I don't think they are as bad as him and I trust you now enough to wait for you to tell me when you're ready. Now you know pretty much everything about me and I think you know what that means to me. I haven't told any of my friends about it, it was so hard, but Danielle is right about one thing if I lo, if I appreciate you, we have to be honest with each other soon enough "  
I wanted it so much, I was ready to tell her everything, to throw everything but it was impossible, it was much too hard. I know she wouldn't believe me and I didn't want to get her into it and yet lying to her was so complicated, but it was still the only way I had ever gotten out.

"I would like to tell you one truth"

I removed the shell bracelet, which was around my wrist and showed it to her.

« In my life I have always wanted to accomplish something important, and the most important thing that has happened to me, Annie, it's you! »

She looked at me, moved with lights in her eyes

« I promise I will never let you down, never! »

I wanted so badly that these words weren't a lie.

We went back to her grandparents a few weeks later.  
"Danielle called me, and I told her I told you about Ben and what you told me"  
“You can't have a secret here,” I laughed. She laughed back at me.  
"She told me she was sorry and had crossed the line"  
"It's nice of her but that's not why she's going to like me"  
“It's true that Danielle is a bit too much of the type to overprotect me and she has been forced since mom's death and daddy's departure, and I can assure you that she was the best big sister when I was small ”  
"I know, I understand, but you're not a little girl anymore"  
"Yeah but I can't ignore what she's done for me either and she told me she was giving you another chance, so you'll want to have dinner with them tomorrow ?"  
I kissed her forehead  
"Of course"  
“You know my family have always adored my sister, she's the eldest at the same time, I've always been in the background. She studied medicine to become a cardiologist, that's where she met her super Michael ", she scoffed.  
"You have no reason to be jealous, you are perfect Annie and your wonderful personality wise I prefer yours to the highest point"  
“What I mean is to introduce you to my grandparents was a joy for me, you are the ideal man: you are a great traveler, you have a lot of culture, you are intelligent, funny, charming, understanding, oh and you write very well ”  
"I'm going to end up feeling bad with all of her qualities just for telling you that you are perfect"  
She put her head on my shoulder.  
"But, I don’t have a lot of money, you know, I don’t know what I would have to offer you in the future"  
Talking about the future with her was obviously impossible to imagine, but we could always dream.  
“It's not a worry for them and then why it's always up to men to preserve the future of women, it's old-fashioned and when you will have made a lot of money with your novel and me when I was a lawyer, we will be roughly tied ”  
I patted her shoulders with her head in the air.  
“You're right,” I said sarcastically and sadly.

Shortly before the fateful day, when we had been together for a year and a half, Annie's grandmother gave us for Annie and I tickets for a three-day cruise on a beautiful boat to visit India. We had three hours ashore. It was a wonderful experience but the thing I loved the most was Annie's smile that I will never forget.

She had her camera, I kept a few that I later tried to look at as little as possible.

The day before bcoming home, she wanted to take some fresh air, it was the first time that I had seen her so worried. I join her several minutes later. She gazed dreamily at the foam.

"It's okay, I don't feel you very present since dinner"

"I've never experienced this kind of thing, living in a boat so luxurious, so beautiful"

"We're not in a yacht either", I laughed

"Yes it's true but all my life I had rules, I never felt .. Free, free to do what I wanted, free to have a choice and you know I never felt as well since we travel, that we are both"

"There is always a but when you have that face"

"I always try to tell myself that this is not going to last, that at some point we will get tired of it all and that I will resume my studies, that city life will separate us"

"Look at these scums, it come from the boat then we don't know exactly where they will go in the sea but they go where they want and we are the same, we go where we want to go and I think we must take advantage of the moment now, the future is still very scary. But you know we're young, we can still have fun and enjoy life to the fullest. For the past few years, I have understood how beautiful life is, how even this pleasant wind can just make us want to live. And I want to enjoy all these little pleasures with you and try not to be afraid of what might happen next, ”I reassured myself.  
And the day that I didn't want to wait came, although at the beginning of the day I didn't know. We went for a walk in the surrounding small towns. We had lunch in a very chic little Indian restaurant. Looking at the menu, there was a newsagent next to the restaurant.

I took advantage of Annie thinking about what she wanted to take to read the front page of a newspaper, I saw Merlin in the distance looking at me and then suddenly disappear. It had written: "Emma Swan and Neal Cassidy wanted for theft". Merlin's prophecy was right. My world began to fall apart.

In a few hours, Annie was going to escape me and I wouldn't know how to live without her. I stole the diary during the day because there was a lot of information that must have been useful to me like who this Baelfire or this Neal Cassidy was. I secretly phoned to book a plane ticket to Portland.

We took advantage of these last hours spent together traveling, visiting the country. I tried to stay as normal as possible so that she wouldn't see the blow coming.

The night we sex together and it was the best night, from my point of view, but it ended in tears. I couldn't sleep, I didn't want to sleep. I stayed awake until she fell asleep so that she wouldn't notice my absence. And before she fell asleep in Morpheus' arms, she finally told me these few words:

"I love you".

I tried to be quiet, but I felt my heart so heavy, she had said it at the worst time and it was very hard. And yet they were the most important words to say in a lifetime. But if I had told her, I would have thought this was all real, that our relationship was going to last and it shouldn't last. I knew that, however, it was totally hypocritical of me to run away after that.

But I had no choice: I missed my father, he was in danger and he needed my help. I put my things away, never stopping watching her sleep.

I took a paper and a pen and wrote "The truth is complicated forgive me" which I put on my pillow. When I think about it this word was so insignificant and absurd.

I hadn't told her anything about my past and I knew all about her and yet she had trusted me and she had loved me…

I was perhaps not worthy of her, after all. ..


	6. A possibility of redemption

During the whole plane trip, I realized that I had fucked up.

Trust the social services, attach myself to Annie for so long, let my guard down. I felt like I had failed on a lot of things and now I realized that I no longer wanted someone like Annie, Gordie or Ezra to tempt me to stay with them. I now had to break up a couple and I was so sure I did it, I didn't care if I hurt them. I no longer had any pity for anyone.

My father was my only priority.

I was no longer to be compassionate to anyone.

Emma had coincidentally met a man from my world and it was not just any. Baelfire, the dark one's son, was the main reason he cast this spell, to find him. But he had become a thief, who had stolen a number of watches from a luxury jewelry store. Emma didn't know who he really was but she was ready to follow him in these shenanigans. It wasn't the role of a princess or a savior to do this stuff. I saw them from afar in their car, devising a plan to resell the watches.

I followed Baelfire who called himself Neal. He saw me and ran, thinking I wanted to stop him. With all my might, I grabbed him and forced him to stop.

« You got the wrong guy, officer. I wasn't even jaywalking! »

« It's not like that. You wanna protect Emma ? Come with me! »

« What? How do you know Emma? »

I released him and forced him to look at me.

« My name is August, it's a long story but trust me, you wanna heart it »

« All right, August. You're not a cop. Who are you ? You've got two minutes.

« Think of me as Emma's guardian angel »

« Guardian angel ? », he mocked, « I see you've been doing a pretty crap job »

« I've looking for her for the past two years (it's true that it was wrong, too exaggerated but I had no account to give him). Now, I finally find her, and she's robbing convenience stores with some deadbeat. Tell me again who's doing the crap job ? »

« Let me tell you something. I'm the best thing that's ever happened to her. Two years ? Where were you the rest of her life? »

He had hit a sore spot

« I'm not perfect, this world ? Full of temptations, Turns out, i'm not that great at saying no. Not built that way but I'm here now »

« So Who are you ? »

« We were in the same home as kids. And I thought she'd be safe inside the system, but now that she's out. Back then, I promised I would take care of her »

« Well, we promised to take care of each other »

I smiled. It was a story I knew all too well

« You love her. means you have to do right by her »

When I said that, I understood what had kept me from telling Annie the truth. I didn't want her to quit her studies altogether for me, I wanted her to have a life that suited her, without depending on anyone. We weren't from the same world, anyway.

« That's all I'm trying to do »

« Then leave her », I said firmly.

« Never! »

« She has a destiny and you ? This life ? You're gonna keep her from it. »

He didn't say anything

« Okay, you believe in magic? »

« I take it you do »

« So will you, trust me. »

I led him to my typewriter where I had typed a sentence that would change everything.

« I'm gonna show you something. Something that's gonna make you look at everything differently. And when you see what I have in here, you're gonna listen. You're gonna believe every word I say »

« Yeah, right », he said skeptically.

I had written "I know you are Baelfire". He looked lost and taken aback.

« Okay, I'm listening ... »

I was relieved.

« There is a curse and it needs to be broken. Emma is the key »

He sighed

« I was tasked with keeping her on track. And you, my friend, just got caught in the crossfire. Now I'm gonna tell you a story. At the end of it, you're gonna have to make a decision, will you do the right thing or not. So, are you ready ?

"The Evil Queen cost a curse to destroy the happy endings of all inhabitants of the enchanted kingdom to take revenge on Snow White and Prince Charming. According to a prediction from Rumplestiltskin, your father, the only person who can all of us saving is Emma when she is 28 years old. My father, Geppetto, created a magic cupboard to send Emma and me to this world and he asked me to protect her whatever the cost, somewhat fail, I abandoned her at the orphanage to go see the world but now I'm here and I'm ready to do anything for her to accomplish her mission and to finally see my father and Neal or Baelfire, it's you who see you're the only one who can help her, if you really love her, do everything possible so that she can finally find hers "  
"A question first?"  
"Yes"  
"How did you find out about me? Do you know my past?"  
"Basically, I know your father abandoned you to keep his power"  
I also thought his father had created the curse to find him but it wasn't a good idea to tell him, I'm not so sure he really wanted to see him again.  
"And I know all this from a Merlin hologram, he told me everything"  
Neal felt extremely bad to say goodbye to Emma. He sat down on the floor, annoyed. I was only trying to reassure him that he would do the right thing.  
"Look I know what you're going through, really I know what it feels like when you have to say goodbye to someone you love"  
And I didn't have one person to say goodbye: my dad, Emma, Ezra, Annie and even Gordie.  
He looked at me, almost oblivious to what I was saying, hesitated a little, took a deep sigh and called the police. He asked them to take a look at the surveillance videos showing Emma stealing the watches from the locker at the station.  
"What are you going to do now?" , I asked him a little worried  
"I'm going to sell the watches in Canada, we'll meet up in Vancouver once you're sure Emma is safe and after being released from prison, she can resume her life as a savior"  
He turned his back to me, not waiting for an answer from me.  
A few weeks later, I attended Emma's trial in Phoenix, pretending to be a relative. Even though she was 18 at the time, she hadn't changed completely from the last time I saw her, 8 years ago. She still looked the same, sorry, sad and lost, nothing had really changed for her and I was so angry with myself again. I recognized that I was not the best of guardian angels but I was ready to make up for it, I had only that to think about after all. And I wondered what had forced her to become a thief.  
After her boat, I made it to Vancouver quite quickly, waiting for news from Neal. I managed to get a small job as a salesperson to earn a little money and I discovered the city well, it was very refreshing.  
Neal called me back 1 month later, I was really starting to worry, it was a bit long to sell watches. I almost thought he sped me off and preferred to run away.

I waited for him at the edge of the harbor. Neal felt bad, I could see him well but it was none of my business. He will recover as I will recover for Annie.

« I want to talk you about Emma ... »

« I hope, you're not trying to reach out », I threatened.

« I just... I feel like if I knew that she was okay, I could move on. Is She ? »

« She will be, she got eleven months. »

He was mad with rage, he moved in all directions. I remained impassive

« That should be me. I should be doing that time! »

« It's a minimum security place in Phoenix, and, no, I am not going to tell you which one. She'll get out of there and she'll be fine. You keep your promise and steer clear, and she can have a good life. She can do what she's supposed to do »

« I mean if I can't be there for her, man, you gotta promise me that you will be »

I was hoping to get there for once

« I promise ! »

« Then you do something for me »

He took out of his pocket a wad of bills, the equivalent of twenty thousand dollars, and a car key. Seeing this money, I was in shock.

« I was able to fence the watches. Don't judge, I'm giving it all to her. And the car. I got a clean VIN number for it, so it's legit and it just... It'll feel like I'm there with her. You know ? »

« Money is not what she needs, not for what's ahead »

« Can you just see that she gets it? »

« Sure»

I took his due. My mind wandered over what could happen next. I had not money enough, I had spent everything so that my motorcycle was with me during the plane trip. My promise at the beginning was already irrelevant.

« One more thing, if anything changes, like she does her job, this insanity ends, if she's free. »

« I'll send you a postcard! »

I left, giving him a barely discernible goodbye.

I didn't hate Neal, I recognized myself a bit in him, we both must have lived in this world we didn't know but him or someone else would have been the same.

I decided to keep the money, but managed to send the keys to this little yellow car to Emma, anonymously.

I wanted to see all of Canada. I was totally seduced by these landscapes.  
I slept in small cottages. I couldn't stop thinking about Neal, Emma, but especially Annie. I couldn't get her out of my head anymore, everything I didn't want at first was about to happen. I only thought of the past, the future that I could had with my father was completely bypassed.  
Throughout my childhood and adolescence, I thought about my life as a writer, studies I had no or few regrets but since Annie, my life has totally changed and the past had become my only ally or my only enemy. No matter what I could do, I was always tied as a thread to my regrets, to my mistakes like a puppet and nothing could take away from me except the alcohol and the sex I started to practice well in bars but I always felt very lonely.  
One day, I found Danielle's number in a pocket. I decided to call her. I wanted to make sure, like Neal was for Emma, that Annie was okay, that she was happy, without me.

"Allo", she answered first  
"It's you Danielle?"  
"Yes... Who's on the phone?"  
"It's August," I said a little hurt to hear her reaction  
"Oh August, what do you want?"  
She had a rather natural voice for a girl to whom her sister had lost a guy she had dated for two years  
"Annie is okay?"  
"Why do you care? And why don't you call her?"  
"Danielle, I know there is no excuse for what I did ..."  
"In deed"  
"But I just want to be sure that she's happy without me, I'm not going to come back, it would ruin a lot of things and she would ask me too many questions, I just want to know if she's okay, I hear in your voice that you don't seem to be mad at me, that's a bit of a pleasure "  
"Listen, no I don't blame you because I would have suspected it a little, without wanting to offend you but Annie, she hates you and even if she tries not to think about you anymore, she loves you too much to really say goodbye to you, but she's a little better since she was recruited by the CIA a few weeks ago "  
"Here I'm reassured, can you promise me that this discussion will remain confidential"  
"Yes but I don't do it for you, I do it for her, sometimes it's better not to know anything to move forward but if it doesn't come out of here, maybe you can explain the reason to me. J got to know and appreciate you and frankly even though I wasn't surprised that you broke her heart sooner or later, I didn't think it would be that way "  
"It's really complicated, but I can just tell you that I discovered a trail to find my father and I didn't want to involve Annie in it"  
"Okay, somehow I can understand that. Rest assured, I would do anything to make Annie forget about you and really move on, like that seems like what you are want "  
"I want to think about her happiness even if it's not with me, so that's what I want"  
But what was my happiness? For the moment, without her by my side, it was not so easy to move forward, there was always this incessant void that I did not know how to fill.


	7. The shadow of myself

For four years, I was just a shadow of myself, sleeping with all the bar girls in South America. I drank a lot. I didn't even know if it was blues or a choice but the point is, I wanted to forget all the shit I had been in. I spent all of Neal's money on alcohol and a few prostitutes.

But I kept writing, I wanted to find success and I couldn't find anything better than to write a story about Annie, more exactly a somewhat fantastic romance that could have come true but ended in tragic way. It didn't tell my story, really, it was just an inspiration. I wanted to reach as many people as possible. This novel took me years to write, I wanted to put all my fears, all my feelings. I often had white page syndrome and it was horrible. I often changed my mind, then sex and drinking didn't help. I was totally pathetic.  
After spending it all, I decided to run a small scam business. In a bar, I had met an unsavory guy: Lucas Volland.  
"You don't look very sharp, boy," he told me when I felt dizzy on the counter after a third glass of whiskey.  
It was the first time that it was a man who came to approach me and not a sexy enough woman.  
"I don't have much money anymore, I don't really know how get out of it "

" I conclude that you don't work "  
"I'm between two careers," I said, showing myself to be interesting. He's laughing.  
"That is to say?"  
"I'm a writer but with the shit I write I'm not sure I'll gain much from it and the one where I tell myself maybe I need to work"  
"What if I told you that I can help you make the maximum amount of wheat that you can live off your laurels all your life."  
At the time, I didn't care how or who could help me. I had already lost everything.  
  
I accepted pretty quickly, I had everything to gain and everything to lose at the same time.  
He taught me everything he knew about shenanigans and all the tricks. He would show me a rich man on the street that they would spy on long term and sell him pictures and hotels and make people think it was worth a fortune. He always managed to pluck them, I was starting to be totally impressed with his tricks.

Whereas before, I was only the assistant, we met a certain Ray Matthews, a bodyguard of a celebrity but he was super rich and above all he had a really sexy wife, who had made me a wink when Voland had told him about our fake hotel agency.  
Ray wasn't stupid, he asked a lot of questions but Lucas and I were starting to get a lot smarter than him and after months of cheating we were becoming a good team.  
"You saw how she looked at you, you're a great, you manage to make people believe that they trust you, it's already great and in addition you can have a little fun with their wife and put them on in our bag, it's a real asset for our company, Ready to play? "  
"Yes" I said with a big smile

Voland took care to show him around our agency while I managed to make the perfect gentleman by telling him he was amazing etc. and when Voland took care of him, I took care of his wife, Amber, and it was a good distraction.

I was so fun and distracted during this time that I didn't care if I hurt anyone, even myself. He had already given us a lot of money, in the 600,000 each, but we expected to do even more.

When I was with Amber to distract her, Voland tried to get him to pay a lease of over a million dollars and he succeeded, but Ray refused when he caught me in bed with his wife. He understood all our shenanigans and wanted to call the police.

I paid him back a large part of his property but Voland had run away like a coward, I've not heard from him again.

Ray asked me to leave, otherwise I would be really dealing with him and he was even taller than me.

I left South America and found myself in Texas, in a bar, as if I had come back to square one.

But this bar was quite different, there was a pool table. I remembered Pleasure Island where I played with friends and I loved going there often because I loved to play and I was good at it. It had been years since I had played and I was wondering if I was going to recover.

When the bar was a little empty so the champions wouldn't see me, I tried my luck again.

  
A few people, amateurs in general started to challenge me and I still beat them to the max.

  
The days passed and I continued to play and challenge regulars who didn't know me yet. One of the players offered to make the more fun game by betting certain amounts of money. Being so sure of myself, I accepted.

  
I often saw a woman wink at me. Her name was Sharon. She kinda became my new partner she didn't play but she suggested we join forces to develop matches and play the money. I agreed to give her 40% of what I earned.

She knew this bar and these players well and she had never seen more talent than me outside of Baltimore Reg and thanks to her I was ready to compete against him, but I still needed a little more. 'training.

We had few adventures, but it was more of the professional relationship. When we wanted to have fun or relax we would but she accepted that I had sex with other girls and me too. And I didn't hide it when I won a big sum and when I felt one at my feet.

  
It was quite pleasant at first, I felt like a star and I liked to take the big head. I was nicknamed the "rifle" and Sharon called me "the billiard cador". These two names appealed to me.

  
"You know what the pool has to do with luck," one of the players retorted   
“Well, I'm so lucky,” I smiled.  
"Two whiskeys for me and this crook"  
"My name is August Wayne Booth and you should tell all those stunned people that they absolutely have to challenge the rifle, it shoots fast and never misses its shot"  
I grabbed Sharon with all my might.  
"You see, the great Baltimore can't do nothing against me"

  
We both slept together in a motel, not far from the pool table. The most disadvantaged place in all of Texas. The scam almost made us happier than the money but we were trying to save for me to continue across the world after my last fight which never happened.

  
I knew it wasn't a lifetime, especially since I was beaten up when some were angry that they were ripped off. When I saw her at the counter seducing guys she didn't seem at all worried about my situation, I think she was only thinking about her own apple but sometimes she had a little heart and made me carry on. I don't really know if I liked her, I always had a different opinion of her but our team worked, we never quarreled over money, we never asked for more.

  
The day before my fight against Baltimore, I managed to finish my novel. I was trying to do it on the sly so that she didn't think one thing could be more important than our team. I reread it and understood something, even though I didn't mean it at first, my novel which I had titled "The First Hours of a Love Story" was really good and I felt that it could finally get me out of the scam and those distractions that I have been around for almost four years.

But I wanted this last game and Sharon had bet $ 400,000, I was not allowed to lose.

Baltimore didn't want us to meet at the pool table, but at his home. He lived in a real mansion. He was a real champion, he had won a lot of championships.

And yet, I was not afraid, I wanted to be haughty and sure of myself, otherwise I would never win what I want.

  
He seemed rather delighted to meet me but it was not shared, I wanted to end it, once and for all. He was the toughest opponent, but I had more than one trick up my sleeve.

  
"Would you like a drink?"  
"No thanks, let's go play," I said a little annoyed  
"A game. 2000 dollars, we play it classic"  
"Please I don't want your pity"  
"With what I heard about you, the cador of the billiards, I don't take you for a beginner but I want a proof"

  
With my precision on the game, he didn't feel very good and the games went on and on. I was in such a hurry to get it over with and so focused that I didn't say a word to him and had no expression.

  
"I have to say I've never seen a guy win 40,000 and look so pissed off"

  
I looked at myself in his mirror before playing and wondered how I got there. I had changed too much and it wasn't just the fault of my meeting with Annie, it was me. I might have looked like a man in the flesh, but I was becoming the puppet I was then with my selfish attitude, in love with money and alcohol. My dignity had taken a serious blow.

  
"I have to change my life," I said suddenly, putting down my pool cue.  
"What are you doing ?" he surprised himself  
"I stop"  
"No, I didn't say we were stopping"  
"I won Reg, I won, I'm leaving now, I take 20,000 of the 40,000 you owe me and I promise myself that it will never come out of here."  
"What's the best thing for you to do?"  
"Earn your living more honestly"

  
Coming out of him, I saw Sharon get out of a taxi. I didn't want to talk to her, it wasn't the right time, I knew she was going to take it badly. I pretended not to have seen her. She gave me a big smile as she ran towards me.

"August, August"  
"Blondie, what are you doing here?"  
"I got there as fast as I could, You beat him, but where's your pool cue?"  
“Yeah, I beat him for $ 40,000,” I lied.

  
She was ecstatic, that she grabbed me by force.

  
"I knew you were a cador, I never doubted you"  
"But I only took half of it, I'll start over"

  
I had to start being honest to start my life well. I saw her smile fade.

"What? But what are you going to do? We promised each other to continue traveling, to knock out all the players who will put you in your way"  
"I know stopping the scam is hard, Blondie, but it's not a way of life, I have written a novel and I am ready to make a living as I always dreamed of making it, without scams "  
"But you still didn't care about those rich, tidy people, for them you said it was too bad"  
"Too bad for us, those who have nothing in life are us"  
"But you are not a writer, you are the machine gunner, you always will be"  
"No that's not true"  
"I can't believe it. I was the one who bet that $ 40,000 and you only took half of it, it's gross"

  
"Is it really you who bet so much? I seriously thought it wasn't a job but why? "

"I trusted you, I knew we would go far, that you would go far and then we had a special bond, no it wasn't just professional, eh, what place I have for you now, just a track with which you had a good time to bend "  
"I don't know Blondie, I'm sorry, here I'll give you 5000"  
"You're not going to get away with this"

  
She hit me in the chest with great force

  
"You're gonna go back and win this fucking game"  
"The game is over Sharon"

  
I left her behind having no compassion for her, she was in tears and angry and there was nothing I could do for her, it was her choice and not mine. I found my motorcycle. I threw it away:

  
"I'm sorry you're in this kind of mess for me, you should be thinking about changing your life too"

She watched me go with a dark face.

  
A month later, I had managed to get these stories out of my head, I had to look to the future with my novel.

In the directories, I came across a publisher from Boulder who had built a good reputation when customers were jostling at doors to meet his granddaughter: Kaylie Cruz. The sixteen-year-old had just won the National Gymnastics Championships in Boston and her life had changed. She had tons of sponsors, big fans and journalists galore. I've never seen gymnastics but I could believe she was a star, even though when I first saw her she looked elsewhere.

My book was the first Kaylie had collaborated on, which is the main reason it did so well in Boulder, I guess.

  
But I learned about it a week after I convinced him to read my novel while I continued to have sex and drink. It wasn't that easy to stop it yet, but I was trying to restrict myself.

  
His name was Sam Loren, a rather likeable sixty-year-old man.  
"Mr Booth, I have the honor to introduce my granddaughter Kaylie, national champion"  
Kaylie didn't seem so delighted to meet me. Before I walk into the bookstore, she said she preferred to train but her grandfather was trying somehow to persuade her.

She was a pretty cute young girl who had a pretty high personality, she looked quite mature for her age. At the same time, it had to be. Even at her young age, I respected her.  
"I am very honored to meet you, Kaylie"  
She gave me a forced smile.  
"Okay now I can leave you," Sam said   
"What?" Kaylie surprised herself  
"Listen, honey, it's good that you do something other than gymnastics and help me out a little, please you don't have a big competition I'm sure your coach doesn't see any objection that the national champion misses some training to advertise "  
"Next week there is a meeting to find out who will be the coach for the national team and in three weeks there is training to find out who will go to London, I can't miss that, finally"  
"You know very well that you will be taken and you just have to do the layout and editing of her novel, I'll take care of the rest, if you do it fast enough, you can resume your life as before I promise you, and I would like my two stars to get along well "  
He left the shop. Kaylie went to the back room, I followed her.

I gave the written documents to Kaylie so that she could type them on the computer.  
"The sooner I type, the faster it will be over, go read me, please, we have to try to finish it during the day, I type quickly, don't worry"  
She seemed a little too external to me and she reminded me a little too much of me at the time of high school, to think only of my studies and not of others but I felt very well that deep down she was not really like that.  
"Wait, please, your grandfather wants us to meet ..."  
"And if I don't want to, you're really not the kind of person I know"  
"Yeah, I know, but I'm not so sure you had a lot of friends who had nothing to do with gymnastics"  
She said nothing and relaxed on her file.  
"How long have you practiced Gymnastics?"  
"It's going to be ten years"  
"You started when you were six, I'm impressed"  
"Do you know a little about it? Have you seen any competitions on TV?"  
"Not really to be honest, sorry but with what happened to me over the past few years, I never even happened to lay down and watch TV, not once"  
"You've had a busy life too, I see"  
I was starting to hear a chuckle from her. I recognized that she had a sublime and cute smile.  
"Too?"  
"You think gymnasts train and win medals and it ends there"  
"I imagine you have to work hard"  
"It's not just that, gymnastics is really not easy, especially when you're a teenager, you have a lot of rules"  
"As?"  
"Don't gain weight, always keep your usual weight, pay attention to your health, what you eat, what you drink, we start training every day at 6 a.m., we are not allowed to work, we must take correspondence courses, and we must not be distracted. You were a teenager too, we need to have fun, to go to parties, to hang out on the couch and have fun, to have boyfriends, I miss not having had this more often "  
"My adolescence was only working and having my family but I have to tell you that what you say makes you want to. And you manage to get out of it, without it?"  
"I have to, I want to go to the Olympics but it happened to me a lot of trouble, great pressure which almost made me want to stop"  
I understood that we looked a lot more alike than I would have imagined, her desires as my temptations and her goal as to take care of Emma and find my father and I had failed but she had succeeded even though she still had to wrong. As I started chatting with her, I was able to fully understand her even though it wasn't totally my field and I think I just needed a friend, someone who could make me understand the importance to have a purpose and never to give up for vanities. It felt good to open up without being afraid of being judged.  
"You can talk to me about it, I wouldn't judge you, Kaylie, I can understand you"  
"A writer can understand a gymnast, we have seen it all," she laughed.  
I was laughing too.  
"I'm not a great writer, be sure, I'm starting out. This novel is a little lucky for me and it's a great pleasure to be helped by a girl like you"  
"I'm not exceptional either"  
"I wish I knew why you're not," I said, winking at her. "And I wouldn't mind telling you a little bit about my life, but you seem to find me so boring so I don't have to"  
"No I don't find you boring, even though you seem like the kind of pretentious kind of guy you seem to care a little bit about me and not just my status and that's nice "  
"Appearance has never interested me and you know I'm a writer, I have to know how to read between the lines"  
"Good," she laughed.

"Okay, I'm going to go a bit fast because we have to work a little"  
"So you wouldn't mind if we went to a bar to talk when we're done, or somewhere other than here"  
I had such a bad habit of flirting that I couldn't help but do it with Kaylie, she was totally my type: beautiful sparkling eyes, a pleasant voice, a dream physique, all petite and a little muscular shoulders. And the fact that she was a minor at first didn't bother me at times, I managed to forget about it, I loved talking to her but I had to learn to limit myself a little.  
"No, in a bar, no worries, I know a great one, I often go there with my friends"  
In just over five hours, we had managed to retype everything, it was a beginning of complicity. I hadn't felt this since Annie and it felt good. She wanted to ask me a few questions on certain points but I promised to tell her everything afterwards. She seemed quite passionate about my writing that she even suggested some modifications to me, sometimes I accepted, sometimes not.  
She closed the shop and took me to her favorite bar.  
"I am very impressed, really, I'm sure you will go far"  
"How nice"  
The bar was close enough that we didn't even have time to chat too much, but she stopped dead when she saw a blonde girl and a woman a little older than her.  
"Oh no, not Lauren"  
Lauren was smiling at her. I was quite familiar with teen movies in high school and Lauren was definitely plague-style but it was a bit more complex than that. It was the older woman who began to speak. She looked pretty sweet. I saw a cross necklace around her neck, a great believer apparently, maybe I needed it.  
"Kaylie, it's good to see you"  
"You didn't come to practice today" She stared at me, I remained unmoved "I can understand why"  
"Lauren, Summer, this is August, I'm working with him to promote his book"  
Summer was the only one to reach out to me, conciliatory.  
"Delighted"  
"I couldn't be there for a week, it's important that I help him, I haven't had a break in months, I'm sure Sasha can relate"  
"The national champion makes her star", Lauren mocked "Alright, I hope he will be accommodating, but you better not fail next week, I want to go to London with the champion, we leave you , see you later"  
"Who are those girls ?"  
"Summer is Lauren's mother-in-law and Lauren was my best friend, we've been training together from the start"  
"What changed?"  
"I start then" she laughed. "It was before the nationals, I had the bad idea to go to a party, I drank a little too much and I had a fight with my boyfriend, Carter, he is training at the gym, well was practicing, we'd been together for a year, but obviously it was all a secret, as I'm not allowed to have boyfriends and at this party Lauren sex with him. "  
"She's a bitch, why did she do that? And isn't he better than her?"  
"I don't know, to be honest, I was mostly the last to know. And Carter told me he loved me, that he waited to have sex relation with me before I won the nationals, but with Lauren, he had He didn't hesitate and it destroyed me. He revealed everything to me the day before the championships, I didn't want to participate, I was devastated. You know you talk a lot of confidence in your book and it reminded me of that "  
"Sorry for these painful memories"

She laughed  
"No on the contrary. And you know the irony of the situation is that it was this story that helped me win, I learned to say goodbye to Carter and I put aside my feelings to really succeed "  
Is that what I had to do, that I forget Annie, that I try to find the most important things?  
"It's very brave, really, I would never know how to have that strength"  
"To say goodbye to the girl you pay homage in your book. I felt very well that it was real life even if it is very romanticized. Tell me about her."  
She was smart and that made her all the more attractive.  
"I have traveled a lot in my life and I have known this woman Annie. It was my first and only love affair, but I was a bit like your Carter. I kept lying to her. because of a big mistake I made years ago that I had to make up for but without her. But I loved her very much and it was torture not to say anything until I decided to abandoning her after two years and it totally broke me "  
"What was that mistake? It couldn't be worse than cheating"  
"It's different. When I was a child, I had to take care of a baby: Emma, it was my father who asked me before he left. But I broke that promise and I abandoned her to go see the world. I was a pretty curious kid and this orphanage was living hell. But I know it was selfish "  
"No, it's not selfish, I would have done the same, it's pretty cruel of your dad for forcing you to do this and for abandoning you"  
"He did it to protect me but it would be too complicated to explain"  
I realized that I had already said too much.  
"Why are you telling me the truth when you haven't told this to Annie?"  
"Because at the time, I would prefer to forget but when I found Emma's trail a bit by chance when I was with her, I thought it was too hard to tell her about it, if I had told her about it, she would have liked to involve me and come with me and I didn't want "  
"And yet today, you're not with either of you?"  
"I told you, I'm not as strong as you, I was so desperate for all of these things that I drowned in alcohol, sex and a few scams, but I know I have to try to take control of my life and it's pretty much normal since I met you" I laughed  
"I'm not that strong, you know, I succeeded because I was so close to the goal and I had to get there. It's never too late," she reassured me.  
"If you say so."  
"And I think I was a little lucky, if my friend Payson hadn't blocked her towards the uneven bars, she would have won, not me, she has always been number 1 since she arrived"  
"She must be wiped out"  
"I doubt it yes but I haven't been to see her yet, I'm too scared"  
"What about? What is she offering you? Is she your friend?"  
"You don't know Payson, she's always super focused, she has worked more than all of us"  
"Yes, but it's not your fault that she breaks her back"  
"Do you think I should see her?"  
"Yeah, otherwise she'll be angrier with you, I think"  
"Yes, you're not wrong"  
I wondered how I could give her advice when I was 1000 times worse than her at giving up on the people I loved but even though I'm sure she would admit it, she listened to me .

"And if we are about to argue, there's something other than to promise me not to tell my grandfather"  
"How do you want me, I even know you better than him? And you know, even though we're several years apart and a lot of things separate us, whatever, it feels good to talk without thinking all the time that we do something wrong or not, you're like my conscience "  
"You take me for Jiminy Cricket"  
If she knew how funny her statement was.  
"It could be, tell me what not to say to your grandpa"  
"Yeah but if I'm Jiminy you're Pinocchio how can I trust you?"  
It was so much reality that I didn't know if she was joking or if she was serious.  
"I'm sure that with Jiminy by his side, Pinocchio doesn't lie"  
"Well my mom, grandpa's daughter cheated on my dad with my old trainer, I'm the only one who know, I just told it to my closest friends is when I learned that the Lauren's father had blackmailed her into leaving the club "  
"I don't see why I would have said to your grandfather. I'm sorry and she still loves him, you think? "  
"When I found out I surprised her having a sensual little talk with him but she warned me that she didn't love him anymore, that she loved my father but lying to him for her is horrible "  
"That's right, you understand how I felt when I was with Annie for two years then"  
"Well, seen with your own experience, I think it's better that I tell him about it"  
"I absolutely cannot advise you there but in my opinion, it's more for your mother to tell him, not for you, quite situations can be so complicated, I didn't imagine it at this stage"  
"It's true, but you can see talking about it, it's relieving, you're a good listener"

We still discussed for hours, many other things, my desires as a writer, my travels, things a little more enriching than I had happened to myself. She was telling me about her father's big nervous breakdown when he found out about Carter, about meeting her new trainer which wasn't child's play but she ended up appreciating him because he believed in her, with all its pressures. When she was with her boyfriend, gymnastics didn't really matter to her but her life changed a lot when she realized that she could be a champion. “Love can really make us splurge”, I had proof of that.  
The next day, we greeted her grandfather and Kaylie had for once a great desire to continue to help me in my novel, which surprised him a little.  
"Our discussion yesterday gave me an idea of a layout"  
"Yes?"  
"You know writers do that, put dedications, you could put E and A. Emma and Annie, that's about them, I'm not wrong, and only initials because it's mysterious, like your novel and I'm not so sure Annie really wants to be quoted "  
"If I put my name in, she'll know right away it's me anyway"  
"Is this really a problem?"  
"I made enemies with these scams, I don't really want them to know my name"  
"Ok we'll give you a nickname, but Annie would you mind if she read you, you know even if I don't forgive Carter, that doesn't stop me from cheering him on in some of his performances and to be proud of him and I don't do it with all the guys in the club "

I would like to know if she loves him, again but it's too confidential, and it's not very my business.

"You know, she's already read my short novels and she said one thing to me: 'she wanted me to write a novel and she wanted to be the first to read it'  
"Oh that's so cute, I'm not sure you I'll disgust her again if it's you who wrote this novel and it shows it's for her, it's a really nice gift for her, I swear "  
I would especially feel ultra uncomfortable if she read it but Kaylie was a teenager she loved to dream of so I made her believe she was right  
"Find a name that only you and her know, even if you haven't told her much of the truth, there are many things that have brought you closer together, things that no one else can understand but you"  
“You watch too many romantic movies, you,” I laughed. "A name that would work". I wrote it down on a piece of paper.  
"Lion Lager, what is it?"  
"A Sri Lankan beer, the first we drank"  
"Oh that's pretty classy, it's not very glamorous but it's classy and you agree with E and A?"  
"Yes why not, we must not forget Emma"  
"Do you know where she is?"  
"I don't know"  
I wasn't going to tell her that the last time I found out she was in jail because of me, it wasn't very flattering. She gave me a mischievous smile seeing very well my fault.  
Editing the novel with Kaylie lasted four days but I had to finish it with her grandfather because I had made a mistake that was far too shameful.  
Often after work we liked to continue chatting on the streets and in this bar.

But one evening, we were far too late for her to drop me off in front of my house. I lived in a small, inexpensive studio with the money I had from my scams. She didn't want me to walk her past her house, because her parents would have found it weird. And like the idiot that I am, I kissed her, just before she left. Oddly, she pushed me away much later when I put my hands on her thighs.  
"Kaylie, sorry, excuse me, I didn't want"  
Even though she was very attractive to me physically and I had this annoying habit of sleeping with all the girls who started to like me, she was really my friend, and I didn't want to ruin everything either. I had no excuse for it, but my mind was far too perverted, at the time, to think of a true and sincere friendship with her.  
"No it's okay, good night, August"  
I didn't really know at the time if she was angry that I was taking advantage of her, or angry that she trusted me or whatever, she hadn't bothered. It was extremely strange. She left with a little smile and said "See you tomorrow", but the next day she was not there and the following days either. I realized that I had really made a mistake, that I had ruined the one person who could really help me.

I sent her a lot of messages to forgive me, to tell her that it was really a mistake, I tried to say everything I had on my heart but I didn't want to harass her, I tried to be patient. She never answered me and I was totally disappointed and pissed off by my stupid attitude.  
During this time, I finished editing my novel with Sam.  
"Kaylie called me yesterday, I don't know what happened between you but I know the kind of guy like you and there is no question of you hurting her"  
He wasn't mean, just a little threatening and he was absolutely right but I couldn't tell him what had happened, he would have fired me right away.  
"I will never hurt her, I assure you, I'm as surprised as you are, really" I lied "What did she say to you?"  
"That she absolutely wanted to resume training and felt she had to stop your collaboration for a while, she had a rather sad voice."  
I felt really bad for her, I hurt her but I never meant to do that, I was just a jerk who took advantage of an innocent teenage girl. I tried to stop talking about her with him to focus on my book and forget about my worries.  
He had a lot of connections that advertising books really worked. It was totally crazy. The purchase of my book had accumulated five thousand readers in two weeks. It was became a true Best Seller. 

Literary radio and TV shows wanted to interview me to find out more about me and my book, but luckily I had the right to refuse.

Nonetheless, I agreed to attend a literary conference in Washington with a book signing. Sam and Kaylie had to be there. And it was a chance for me to really apologize to my face. If I had texted her she would have ignored me again like the 15 texts and calls I left her in 3 weeks.

So I decided to go directly to see her at her gym "The Rocky Mountain".

All the doors were open, I went to the main room, there were tons of equipment, a lot of young beginners and professionals. I saw a young blonde girl with a corset, I understood that it was Payson, Kaylie's friend who had blocked her back, she made me very sad.

And I saw Kaylie fly across the room, with an innate form of freedom. It was incredible. Some people would stop what they were doing and look at me in amazement. Kaylie was embarrassed to see me disembark. She rushed towards me and accompanied me to the exit.  
"What are you doing here? You shouldn't be here!" she whispered.  
"Kaylie, I'm sorry, really, there's no excuse"  
She gave me a smile, which struck me as quite surprising.  
"It's forgotten, don't worry, I read your messages and I trust you"  
"Seriously, but why haven't you waved to me for three weeks?"  
"Because you had to focus on your book and I had to focus on my gym for a while, I thought about you a lot, but I didn't want more pressure."

I saw her angry enough. 

"Did something happen?"  
A tall blond arrived.  
"Kaylie, come back and train now"  
"I'll be there in two minutes, Sasha, sorry"  
Her trainer left us, a little at the end of his rope.  
"Are you okay Kaylie?" I took her shoulder. "Tell me"  
"I learned a little while ago that the national team coach is Marty, my old coach, yeah the man who fucked my mom and it's torture to have to work with him, twice per month"  
"What? But why isn't it Sacha?"  
"For some pretty tragic reason, his best gymnast broke her back watching televisions around the world and he did nothing."  
"Oh"  
"And finally, I'm not going to London because we played the fools giving Marty a bad name and he didn't take it very well" She was laughing at herself "And other than that I claim being the national champion is totally ironic "  
“Yeah, I understand you didn't call me, sorry for the mess. Listen, I'm also here to tell you that you're invited with me and your grandfather to promote my book in Washington this weekend. After that, I think you deserve to have fun. ”  
She hugged me.  
"Oh, I'm so happy for you, I knew you would, you know in the gym there are plenty of copies of your novel, my mom did a good job of promoting it, too"  
"Aha cool, your grandpa will email you the tickets, I 'm here in your home at 8 a.m, be prepared"  
She walked over to her gym door and smiled at me.  
"Count on me"  
I was reassured that everything was going well between us and during these two days I absolutely must not repeat this kind of bullshit.

On Saturday morning, I went to her parents. They saw in me only a simple writer with whom she worked, there was no harm in me going to pick her up at her place to take her to the airport to join her grandfather especially that we would take her car not my motorcycle. I waited for her a few minutes in the living room. I had to talk to her parents. They were not simple people, what I mean is that they had very different personalities, her mother and her father. Her mother was a former singer and model and it showed a lot physically. She was smiling but sometimes a little withdrawn and her father was a former baseball player, rather barren and often shouting. He was the one who didn't hesitate to talk to me, he was a big mouther but both admired their daughter and it was really touching, especially because they did many sacrifies to her.  
When we left her parents, I didn't hesitate to put my hand on her shoulder as a gesture of friendship, certainly.  
The three of us arrived in Washingtown in the afternoon. We each had an individual hotel room, Sam took care of all the prices, it was totally royal. Kaylie often came to my room to help me get ready.  
"You should dress more by a girl, your style is out of date"  
It was naughty, I never took it badly. I didn't have a lot of fancy clothes for a convention so we went to do some shopping. She got me a rather elegant black silk shirt and Italian ankle boots.  
"I pay everything"  
"Why, does that not make sense?"  
"You are the star today and tomorrow, everyone must see it, there is an extract from a book by a great gymnast that Payson read to me" when you are a champion, you behave like a champion in sport and in everyday life "so behave like a star, August Wayne Booth"  
I was already taking a big head during my scams, I had to be a little less pretentious in front of others now.  
"It's not selfishness or pretension, it's self-confidence, when I'm doing shoots or have to walk on the red carpet in front of lots of photographers, I have to show myself very proud with a big smile and you will have to do the same "  
I took her waist, a little annoyed.  
"You don't find me assertive enough" She pulled away from me, amused.  
"On seduction, way too much but in front of fans and towards yourself, I'm not sure you are that much, what you do is a role that you want to play but I know that you are a lot more shy or withdrawn than you think "  
"It's creepy how well you encircle me"  
"That's why I like you"  
"Wait, are there really going to be some pictures put on the internet?"  
"It's a convention, it's normal. Don't worry, no one will judge you and it's just on the internet not in the press"  
For once it was Emma and Neal that I was worried about. And if when I will see her, she recognized me, and Neal I had promised to watch over her and there he sees me making my success.  
"You have no shame to be," she reassured me.  
But her reassurance was of little use.  
A few hours later, it was convention time. It was in a village hall. There were a lot of people, I felt like I was in another world, another another world. Sam had made a speech which he had rehearsed the next day, he introduced me a little and introduced Kaylie. Giving a speech bored me too much, but I didn't hesitate to answer certain questions, being rather vague in front of the people to whom I dedicated my book. I took some pictures, alone, with Sam, with Kaylie and sometimes all three together. In the evening, the three of us had dinner at the restaurant, it was sublime.  
The next day, he repeated the same thing a bit, but all day. And this day was for me the equivalent of a detoxification cure, notably by the arrival of an unexpected reader.  
"A dedication for Annie Walker!"  
I couldn't believe my ears. I looked up to see Danielle  
"You didn't expect to see me."  
I watched her swallow my saliva, almost scared  
"What are you doing here ? "  
I saw that there was the tail behind her  
"I have a lunch break, can we talk then?"  
Danielle waited for me in the local cafe.  
"How did you know I wrote this book?"  
"Lion Lager, it's not at all subtle ..."  
"In fact, I didn't know it right away, it was Annie who recognized your lines and your style right away ..."  
Annie had read my book about her, I was horribly embarrassed  
"Did she send you?"

"No not really, I went there for myself but she knows I'm there. I enjoyed your book, August, very much. I'm sincere."  
"Thank you !"  
"You know I'm not a shrink but living in the past isn't going to make it any better. Before I got in line I watched you all morning trying to fill your loneliness with this young girl but, you can't live like this all your life. What about your father? "  
I wasn't looking at her, making her understand that she was right  
"Sure, you thought of something else and gave up on looking for him."  
"It's more complicated..."  
"You know all this as I see you now, it's not that young man I remember, you have to change your life"  
"You don't know me Danielle"  
"That's right, but I remember that young boy who made my sister smile again. She told me about you every time I called her, she loved you very much and sincerely and even though you were lying to her but the gaze doesn't lie "  
"You hated me the first time you saw me, and I can't believe you don't blame me for abandoning your sister"  
"I saw you change in her presence and I know that you're a good person, you're just a broken and lonely man, and you're able to become again the really nice and charming boy my sister loved"  
"How? 'Or' What ?"  
"By stopping to rehash the past and moving forward"  
"I don't want you to feel sorry for me"  
"I just want to help you. You abandoned my sister for one simple reason: because you didn't want her to be involved in your story so keep writing your future because if you think about her you will end up really regret it"  
Danielle had somehow tried to get me back on the right path, I don't know if she was doing it for her, for her sister or for me, but she had helped me to see things more clearly and to stop to be a jerk and a weakling.  
I didn't say anything to Kaylie about my interview with Danielle. As soon as the dedications were over, I went to my hotel room and found Annie's bracelet. I thought about her for a few moments, wondering what she would have wanted me to be, with or without her. I hesitated to burn this bracelet but I told myself that it meant something important: that errors are part of life and that without these errors, life would have no interest and that all of this can force us to to become better and to surpass ourselves and I was really ready to make it, for once.  
Shortly after, Kaylie arrived in my room. She threw herself on me and kissed me passionately, I couldn't stop her. She took off her T-shirt and stroked my thighs and legs. I took her hand and pushed her to the side of the bed.  
"Kaylie, Kaylie, please stop, you're doing this because you're angry and you would like to give yourself the illusion of having control."  
She got up from the bed and yelled at me  
"Why everyone has the right to lie and lie and betray themselves and I never have the right to do what I want. It shouldn't be like that at all, I'm the national champion of gymnastics, I should be on top of the world, in everyone's eyes, and no I have no right to be too satisfied in front of Payson, I don't have the coach I want and I'm lost around a bunch of betrayals and a whole lot of horrible secrets, I won and finally we should take care of me a little and no it's again and always for the others. And we, I don't even know what we are."  
"We're friends Kaylie!"  
She stretched her blow behind her, annoyed  
"You wanted to sex with me, before but now you preferred to move on with this chick with whom you're going to have lunch, I'm starting to understand you you're just a simple profiteer!"  
"Danielle, no you're completely wrong but it's true, I admit it, I'm only a profiteer, anyway, that's what I was at the beginning when we met but I have to stop it and the first good option is not to take advantage of you and your suffering. "  
She went to the hallway, I took her hand and carried her into the bedroom, I closed the door and took her shoulders.  
"Kaylie, listen to me please, you're better than that. You have the right to hate me as much as you want but I would never let you abandon you like that. I'm sincere, you're my friend, speak with you is a moral need. Yes me too, I can't stand this shit world and the way it works but that's no reason not to move forward. You're a leader Kaylie, so stop being your poor teenager, it's up to you to lead by example and yes, in life we don't always have what we want or think we deserve, but we can choose to make the right choices. Haven't you seen all the teenage girls who dream of being in your shoes?"  
“Maybe I want to be like every girl my age, finally lose my virginity,” she said under her breath.  
I started laughing  
"Kaylie, listen, you have all your life to sex and to find the right person and I can assure you that it's not with me that you'll get there but you only have one chance for the Olympics so don't waste it your life for simple story of sex, it's ridiculous. "  
"So why did you kiss me the first time? Why all the seductions?"  
"Because of who I am but that has nothing to do with you. I've spent the past five years tarnishing myself in alcohol and sex and at what cost? Nothing at all. And, to be totally honest i'm not proud of it and i will tell you i lost something very important which is going to take me a long time to recover ... my dignity ... and i know i am not the best person to lecture you, I agree but I refuse that you lose your concentration, because of me. You may not realize it but you have helped me a lot and I don't want to accumulate everything while still taking advantage of you, as I admit having done it a little. I appreciate you very much, Kaylie and not as you imagined. You gave me hope. Because you, you have a real goal in life. And I don't want to see you waste your talent, especially seeing a fly girl, I've never seen that before "(since the blue fairy), I laughed.  
"Yes but it is Payson who should have been the national champion, not me, I've so much pressure at the moment that I'm afraid of not making it, and every day I wonder what I am doing. You've earned it? You wait for me to do miracles but it's hard. How do I do if I don't deliver. I'm really scared and if I disappoint everyone, what will become of me? world treats me like a super star but I'm not. "  
"It's very human how you feel and it's good to be afraid, it means you have passion. So you can surpass yourself. Takes a lot of work but you can and you owe yourself to do it because it's your dream, and not just your parents' dream. You've worked so hard all your life, you've made so many sacrifices. If you waste your life with one boy, me or another, you risks ruining everything And, you know what, you try to be realistic but I also believe in higher forces, higher than this reality for the moment, and if you have the faith, it will work, I assure you. In any case, I have faith in you, Kaylie. You are so talented and I know that you can beat all the gymnasts who will be in your path, if you give yourself the strength and the motivation. you are the national champion, it is marked big on your gymnasium, you must be proud and especially not apologize for it. If you were champion once, you can do it again. Kaylie, you are a heroine, you can do things that it is impossible for me to do not necessarily with your body but with your heart, you have a lot of guts. When you told me you trusted me after the mistake I made, it was a blessing so do you believe me if I tell you that you will achieve your goal? "  
I finally saw her best smile.  
"Yes. Thank you. How about you? What's your dream?"  
"Before, it was recognition by writing and I achieved it thanks to you but now I have to think about it but I think that finding my father and forgiving me would be good enough, I need to get back who I really was. "  
“I agree with that choice,” she laughed. “So let's promise one thing? Let’s forget our worries and live our life as it should be lived and not as we wanted to live it. Find your father and also this girl that you gave up twenty years ago, they need you, and I have to win the gold, ”she said proudly.  
"Exactly! You see, you behave like a champion. In 2012, I'll see you on the top steps of the podium, and I'll be absolutely proud of you. You know it's your destiny. Goodbye, Kaylie, take care of you !"  
She hugged me for several minutes. She left my room with a big smile.  
You who know what happened to me in 2012, you know that at that time, I could not follow her to the Olympic Games but while writing this chapter I did research on Kaylie Cruz and she had really won the 'gold. She had been adored by everyone. She was finally at the top of her sport. Maybe I was there for something ...


	8. Remind Myself

It was not the last time that I had seen Kaylie, there is a little epilogue.

Deep down, I really wanted to see her in a competition and I was very lucky two months after our last discussion. At that time, I waited a while to pick up my motobike in Boulder, I didn't want to leave with them. Sam agreed, I promised him that I would continue to pay for my hotel room, he wished me good luck. My discussion with Kaylie made me think a lot and forced me to review my whole story in its entirety.

I wanted to find Emma, but I had no idea where she was now, where she had decided to go after she was released from prison. Also, I didn't know how to contact Merlin.

Nevertheless, I decided to make a plan and think about how I could make Emma believe in her own destiny. With all these escapades, I recognized that I had accumulated a few assets that could help me. The first was writing. I had to write my story: from my transformation into a puppet until my transformation into a little boy, but it was necessary to leave a suspense for her to understand that my story was not over, that it was she who had to continue by breaking the curse. My other two qualities, I have to admit, were seduction and mystery, mystery was a good way for her to want to know more about me and seduction to trust me I was making a lot of money thanks to my novel, several hundred dollars were debited from my account, a little every month, even today and that allowed me to live as I wanted.

However, I didn't want to depend on it alone. I worked as a guard in a nightclub. I also had to learn the arts of fighting if ever a fight broke out.

But I got a call from Kaylie's mother. I couldn't help but worry about her.

"Is there a problem with Kaylie?"

"Not very big but I think you are the only person who can cheer her up at the moment, I tried with her coach, she can't do it and with my husband, it's not going very well , are you in the area? "

I could imagine that Kaylie's father was now aware of his wife's deception, it should not be easy for this family.

"Not really, I'm in Boston"

"I will pay you the ticket, I've no other choice, if you like my daughter, please come, I will explain"

It was all rather rushed, I had promised myself never to go back but I have never been as sincere as my friendship towards Kaylie.

I arrived at their place, Kaylie was in the living room on the sofa, totally downcast with a woman in her thirties. She rushed towards me. Her mother stayed with us.

"I didn't think you would come"

"What is happening to you?"

“There is a big competition with China at the gym tonight,” her mother interjected, “It is the greatest champion in the world and the sports committee forbids Kaylie from going there because it would tarnish her image as a champion. "

I made a face and turned to the woman who was with Kaylie.

"Who are you ?"

"The sponsor of Kaylie nice to meet you"

This woman already disgusted me.

"It was you who threatened my friend so that she would lose confidence in her, go away"

"You have no order to ask me, young man, you're not part of this sport"

"It's fair but I know Kaylie well enough to know that gymnastics is her whole life and you are only there to put bad thoughts in her head, you don't know what she went through , you have no idea, all you want is not to lose money if Kaylie loses, you are a scammer and I know what it is, believe me "

"I won't let you judge me"

"No one has the right to control her, she is not your puppet, she has the right to make her own choices"

I had managed to intimidate her and I was delighted. I turned to Kaylie. I was a little pissed off at her that she didn't trust herself yet

"You go to the gym immediately to show them that they're wrong, that your champion status, you deserve it and you can prove it to all those bastards who don't believe in you. Everyone should believe in Kaylie Cruz, and you too. And don't give up on your team, they won't win without you. I wouldn't leave here, without seeing you challenge China, so go for it Kaylie "

I have never been so convincing, there was no way she would give up again. This competition was breathtaking. I sat next to her parents.

Before competing, Kaylie had managed to convince her team to fight hard. She was a real leader. They were finally going to show their great passion. The Chinese were very impressive, especially this Gengi Cho, the youngest gymnast in the world: 13 years old.

It was the very first competition for Kaylie since the national championships, I felt her nervous. But she started with a sublime run on the floor and she managed to appear in second place when no one thought that the Americans would be in the first three.

But before Kaylie did her greatest miracle, something happened that I will never forget how touching it was. Payson, who had not done gymnastics for four months after her injury was convinced by her coach to compete at the asymmetric bar, the same experience where she broke her back, it was just a simple sequence, but it was real proof that nothing would make her give up and her deep desire to achieve the impossible. Kaylie, like all this girls, all had incredible strength to go all the way. No one could believe it. I don't regret not having continued on my way at that time. Abandonment didn't exist for them and it really made me regain confidence.

Kaylie was the last to start to win a final medal. Her coach spoke to her quite a while before to convince her to do the impossible to make her sequence even more difficult and for her to win gold and not silver and she succeeded. She finally proved to the whole world that she deserved her title. She was the first gymnast to beat Gengi Cho and personally I never doubted it. I have never been so proud of her that I stood up and clapped so loudly that I saw her looking at me with a big smile.

After the competition, I rushed over to her and heard her say to a reporter.

"I have nothing more to defend, my title is no longer open to discussion"

"Who is this young woman so confident, I no longer recognize her?"

She turned and hugged me.

"Thank you, I would never have succeeded without you"

"Of course you do, you just needed a little help"

"Are you going to leave again?" She said, disappointed.

"I have to, but I do not regret at all to have come to this competition, the Rock girls, you are impressive, it even gave me more confidence and made me want to fight the impossible, I am looking for Emma right now "

"You're going to find her, I'm sure, I was very happy to know you"

"Me too, enormously, good luck for the future"

I left seeing them all, excited by everyone's victory.

A young man came up to me when I was about to put on my helmet.  
"Wait, I wanted to thank you for Kaylie, I misjudged you"  
"Carter?"  
"Kaylie talked a lot about you with her friends, sometimes I would listen, I was a bit jealous and that she was under the spell of a guy older than her that worried me but she said to me what you told her and what you did for her, you gave her confidence back and thank you for everything "  
"Kaylie and I are not that different and she helped me as much as I did, but if you allow me I would like to give you a little advice, because you and I are not that different either"  
Even if I was angry with him for having hurt Kaylie, his reasons were up to him so I didn't blame him, he wasn't worth it, I was even worse than him.  
"You should think of something else, if you love her, let her follow her champion dream, even if she was fantastic today, she still has to prove a lot of things, I know that at your age you love love yourself , you believe that love will sell you dreams, I know Kaylie is a dreamer like I was back then, but also try to think about your professional life. Kaylie should not have any more distractions, she will has drooled enough, so try to move on, you are young, life is not over for you even if your gymnastics tells you otherwise, it is not easy but it is possible "  
"I caused a lot of pain to Kaylie, why do you want to help me, or was she the one who asked you to do it?"  
"No and yes I know what it feels like but you know I did the same thing, it would take too long to explain to you, I betrayed not just one but several people that I loved out of selfishness and I know it is sometimes, when you love someone and want their best, it is better not to go back because that would make the person and ourselves suffer even more, and thanks to Kaylie I understood that we had to continue on our way, not to abandon ourselves, to be right, to forgive ourselves, and to keep hope so keep hope and forgive yourself, Carter "  
I heard him thank me the moment I left.

A few hours later, Kaylie sent me the photo of me and her from the convention to ask for my opinion. This photo was just an appearance, no one knew what this duo was really hiding, we were so smiling, we looked like stars, amazing people when it was wrong. She added :

_I can't believe that the internet users who see ours wouldn't know the truth: our doubts, our fears_

_It doesn't matter, the most important thing is that we remember who we are, we are not perfect._

_Nobody is ^^_

I toured the country, trying to find Emma but I think I was kind of lazy. I couldn't find her after a year. I felt very tired that I wanted to continue traveling, trying to move on. I did the south of Spain where I saw a lot of bullfighting and where I enjoyed all the food. Then, I wanted to travel the south of Asia, all that Annie and I had not had time to do and I found myself in Thailand where I was absolutely seduced by these dream beaches. I told myself that I could only stay there for a few months, that there was no rush, how pathetic and weak I was! I had failed again, still enamored of these temptations. But, at least I had totally said goodbye to alcohol and sex and was still writing my story for Emma. I went back to Sri Lanka for a while to try to find Merlin, but it wasn't as if he never existed.  
In Phuket, I settled there for a year and a half, always trying to find a solution to get out of it. In the meantime, I got a job as a Taekwondo teacher thanks to my combat lessons. I had to take some Thai lessons at the same time. The students were between 17 and 36 years old, of different sexes, origins and levels. I taught them too the perseverence, the good behaviour and the strenght of mind. The strength of Kaylie and Payson inspired me. But, this was in one of my classes that I met Isra. She was a young woman five years younger than me, extremely beautiful. She was of Vietnamese origin. She had become very attached to me during class and often offered me dates. I didn't want to tie myself up anymore and be tempted by anyone. I refused her advances for several months even though I liked her, she was funny and had a personality. She accepted that we were just friends and taught me a bit more about Thai culture.

One evening, I couldn't resist and I fucked her. I was sure it would be the very last time, but not for the reason that there was the next day. As soon as I woke up at 8:15 a.m. I started to feel a stabbing pain in my leg. It was totally incomprehensible, my leg was turning into wood. Why ? I woke Isra, totally panicked. She could only see my leg, not the wood. She thought I was crazy when I told her I wanted to go to the hospital. But, I was not crazy and I was sure, I was becoming a puppet. I took all my things and went to the best hospital in Hong Kong. Seeing all these sick people made me nauseous. When I was in the observation room, I pointed to my left leg. He couldn't see anything. I was trying to prove that I was not crazy. I took a scalpel and stuck it in my leg. It was pretty smart since he wasn't going to see the blood! But he was so terrified and above all he didn't want to try to understand. He immediately wanted to take me to psychiatry.  
I run away from the hospital with all the liveliness I have left. The pain was temporary. It was totally strange, I never got used to it. A man pulled me aside, I struggled but he motioned for me to calm down.  
"Who are you ?"  
"Someone who can help, I heard you screaming about your situation. And I work with a man who solves these kinds of problems. The kind that most people just reject. For the right price, he can heal n whatever. They call him the Dragon. .. "  
The Dragon ? I felt like it was still a joke in bad taste. I was in a large hall resembling a sanctuary. An Asian man with a goatee and a red toga sat like a Buddha. He was a man who seemed very enigmatic to me. I was showing him my right leg, to trick him and check if he was as amazing as people say.  
"You see that?"  
"No, because the problem is with your other leg!"  
I laughed, it wasn't that bad. I showed him my wooden leg  
"You turn to the wood, Pinocchio ..."  
I couldn't believe my ears. Who was it ? Another man from my world. With Merlin and Neal, it was already a lot.  
"How the hell do you know my name? Who are you? Are you from my land?"  
“August you are in pain,” he interrupted me, “waste your energy not on me but on your affiction. All you need is to know if I can help you. And the answer is, indeed, I can. . "  
"Thank goodness," I said, relieved.  
"There are, however, conditions. I need something of great value for you ... I need something close to your heart. Something that cannot be replaced."  
The only irreplaceable item was Annie's bracelet, but unfortunately I didn't have it on me, I had left it in my things at the hotel in Hong Kong. But the dragon showed me the necklace I wore around my neck.

It will serve as payment from your soul. Now, as any vendor from this world, I also need payment from your vallet. Ten thousand American dollars. Bring the money tonight and you shall never turn to wood again"

I had very little cash on me and could not find an ATM. I did not know what to do, I was for once totally lost until a surprising rescuer came to meet me. I was hanging out in the streets of Hong Kong thinking.

The client I had met before seeing the Dragon recognized me and motioned for me to enter the bar where she was. She was in a very good mood for a patient, surely I should have been wary. She offered me a beer. To pay, she took out an envelope with bundles of bills.

"Figured a medicine man wouldn't take plastic, she scoffed, seeing my face, To second chances!"

"Who knew they'd be so expensive"

I felt good with this girl but it was different from other girls I had met. I know that I had made a mistake when I sex with Isra, I was in the middle of a change, I could, for once, just talk to a girl without thinking of pouncing on her afterwards. I knew I wasn't that kind of man anymore and that felt good.

"So what brought you to him?" I asked her.

"Cancer. Very rare form."

I was taken aback, it reminded me of the story of Annie's ex, it was not a very good memory this discussion

"When I was diagnosed, the specialist told me I was on borrowed time. Ever since, I've been all over the world trying to find a cure, Doctors, healers. You name it. Anyone who could promise a miracle. And no one could. And then, then I heard about The dragon."

I was starting to have pain in my leg, she looked compassionate.

"How about you?"

"Skin condition"

"Acne, she laughed, You know, there are creams"

"I wish. Now, this condition, once it spreads, I'm done for."

"I'm glad you find him, too"

I thanked her

"He tell you he needed a personal item? Who carries something like that with them anyway? Luckily I had a photo of my grandmother and me in my wallet. Now, it's gone. But if my cancer is, too"

We were interrupted by a phone call. She cheerfully asked me to keep her bag for her. I did but I was completely nuts to see all those tickets in her bag. I had only stolen very little in my life, I wasn't going to do anything worse than I ever could have done before, but I was in so much pain. I didn't even think about it and I didn't even want to think about her illness, that the moment her gaze was not on me, I run away with the money. There was exactly the exact count.

I hurried to join the dragon, breathless.

"For someone who's spent his entire life is running, you should be in better shape"

"Well, I will be. You have what you promised?"

He showed me the antidote. This remedy looked magical, I could see its color change when he stirred it. I gave him the wad of bills but my pain returned when I saw the picture of my cancer patient with her grandmother. He hid the photo.

"The body has a strange way of sending us signals, doesn't it? The tricky part isn't hearing them, but knowing what they truly mean. What's in this bottle will stope from turning to wood. But that's just a symptom. Only you can cure yourself."

He was absolutely right, and I was aware of it, but I couldn't quite become the honest person I wanted to be from the start. It might be my puppet nature, but I could change, just after I took this potion.

I was stupid not to absorb it immediately, I waited to go down the stairs, finding myself a hiding place. But Tamara saw me, furious.

"Stop! That's mine !"

I'd rather run to get away from everyone, as long as she didn't sting the potion or wait for me to pay her back. A couple jostled me and threw me to the ground, the vial having fallen to the ground. My leg was in so much pain, I couldn't help but complain. I writhed in pain, I was truly on the verge of death. Tamara collected the potion.

"Whatever it is you have, you deserve your fate"

I couldn't escape bursting into tears, alone in the street lying on the ground. She was right. I deserved it all and maybe I also deserved to die with all the bad deeds I had done. I couldn't bring myself to hurt myself again and hurt those around me ...

But there were still some good people left in this world. A man, having seen the whole scene offered me his hand and lifted me up.

“Get up! Go!”

He was a fairly old, paunchy man.

"Why do you want to help me?"

“Your leg hurts, that's it and you took this woman's money for an antidote, maybe if you go back to your healer he can help you. You’re sick, you don’t deserve to be embarrassed in an alley in Hong Kong, everyone has the right to be treated, go back there, there may be other antidotes ”

He gave me a big smile that I couldn't return for the moment.

"Yes, I totally deserve this happening to me"

I left him and went back to the dragon and I could hear him say before:

"I'm sure it's a lot more complicated than that"

Unfortunately, the dragon was no longer able to help me, he was lifeless, I didn't understand what had just happened. Who could have killed him? I retrace my steps and my new friend was still there.

"So?"

I barely looked at him and walked over to my hotel and followed me.

"I see"

"What do you want? I appreciate your helping me but I don't need anyone ”

"I don’t believe it for a second", he stopped me, "listen, it shows you are in bad shape, I see you reeling"

"You are not a doctor"

"No but maybe I can help you and tell you why you are turning into a wooden puppet"

I still couldn't believe that anyone of my world was present in this world without magic, I will end up believing that some people I passed could have been part of this world.

“What? Are you kinding me ?"

"Absolutely not! I know it might sound frustrating but I can explain everything to you "

“So stop the mysteries and tell me who you are?”

“I'm the sorcerer's apprentice and I know the sorcerer spoke to you ten years ago and I know what happened to you afterwards, it was not pretty, I'm sorry but I know now you're desperate enough to finally do what you're asked to do and stop shirking your responsibilities, aren't you? You want to heal, right?"

“Ok Speak!”

"Go pick up your things at the hotel, we'll meet at the airport on Monday morning, (in 2 days) we can talk during the whole trip"

"Where are we going ?"

"In New York, I take care of all the costs"

Two days later, my benefactor was present but strangely without luggage.

"I'm answering your questions, go ahead?"

“Ok, how did you get into this world?”

“A few days before the curse by a portal I created. I was sent by Merlin to finally break this curse and take care of other things "

"Like ?"

“That you do what you've been asked to do, already. Look, being sorry and feeling bad isn't going to help anything and you know it. When we are in New York, you will go straight to Storybrooke, this is the city where everyone is imprisoned ”

“I could see my father again”

“Yes but he won't remember you and the others either, they all forgot who they really are”

“But without Emma, I can't do anything to make things right”

“It's fair but that wooden leg you just discovered is proof that Emma is not with you the way she should have been but in Storybrooke so time has resumed. Your goal is to help Emma to make believe in magic so that she breaks the curse and that you can be healed "

"Sounds good to me, but how could she have gotten to Storybrooke if it's a city created by magic?"

"I wouldn't be able to tell you, I don't know everything about everything, August there is hope for you and your father I promise you, it just takes a little brave on your part"

“You are probably right”

"Do you have any ideas to make her believe?"

I showed him the papers where I had written my story.

"This is a good idea and I have another good idea, you have to incorporate this story so that Emma doesn't necessarily think you wrote them"

"What do you mean?"

"I have something for you"

He gave me large papers and a page with a door locked in it.

“I'll tell you a story. A long time ago the sorcer created a storybook where all your stories are written in it, it's a magical book and I believe he's in Storybrooke now and a pretty peculiar kid is using it. "

"Who?"

“I don't know, but you will surely meet him. What I mean is that you have to steal this book from him and put your story in it but with these pages there "

"Okay, it's very interesting what you're telling me and this page with that door I have to put in the book too?"

“No, no, on this page the last author is locked in and he absolutely must not be released he did something terrible. He is able of changing stories, not just writing them, and that is unworthy of the laws of magic. "

"Unbelievable! So you ask me to put it in libeen sure, why me? I am not very trustworthy ”

"You are a writer, you love fiction, you more than anyone can understand that a story is imaginary, never this story should be real"

Before leaving for Storybrooke, I wanted to see someone again who I had hurt but who, even because of that, had trusted me. I had to tell Neal what happened next, that he too had hopes of finding Emma. At least one of us needed to find the woman he had lost. It would also be a way for me to forgive myself.

I found Neal in New York. We already had our coordinates. I called him to tell him that I wanted to see him. We met in Central Park.

“Well you haven't really changed in ten years” I say with a big smile

"It's rare that it's you who wants to see me"

"I need to talk to you"

We sit on a bench.

“I turn into a wooden puppet”

He lowerd his eyebrows.

“That means Emma is in Storybrooke”

"Are you going to join her suddenly?"

“This is the only solution before the evil that gnaws at me ends up killing me, you had to know that because I sincerely hope that once this is all over, you will see Emma again, it will also allow me to forgive me for your separation which is largely my fault ”

“It's nice of you but I'm not sure she wants to see me"

I didn't say anything thinking he was probably right, I stood up.

"Wait, are you leaving now?"

“I don't really have to waste time”

“Listen, it's getting dark, it's not that close to Maine, you have to drive 3 hours if you ever hurt yourself because of your leg at night, it would be unfortunate, go there tomorrow”

"Why do I deserve so much kindness from you, Neal?"

“It's not kindness, it's prevention,” he laughed. "We can go to the bar where I work I'm sure you have plenty to talk about ”

I nod as I follow him.

“This is where I work, my colleagues are really cool, they give us our share. What do you want ?"

“Well you seem to be doing better than me”

“I have stopped the flight since I abandoned Emma”

“Do they have alcohol-free beer?”

He giggled

“Stop it doesn't exist. It's not a little alcohol that will turn you into a wooden puppet ”

“I was really addicted at one time so I have to stop. I want to try to be serious for once. I'm going to have a coke ”

"Me a whiskey, please"

“He's a friend of yours, you never told me about it”, asked a colleague.

"We are friends ?" He addressed me with a mocking smile

“Not the most traditional but we will say yes”

“He separated me from my girlfriend”

I made a face

“But it was for his own good, so I don't have to blame him”

"I see you don't blame me?"

“You know after having resented my father so much, you are way below. But what bothers me is that for years I tried to escape my world and it is still there attached to me, like a link ”

"I know it's awful, me too was my goal: to escape but it's our fate: living with two lives in the head, that can completely drive us nuts"

“Yeah it's clear, what have you been doing during these ten years?”

“Travel, drink and sex. They were my three trademarks ”

“Why didn't you keep protecting Emma? Your promises are not worth much ”

“I'm sorry, Neal. But as I told you something in me still wanted to flee the responsibilities of my world especially because of a woman that I met before I went to see you ”

"What's happened ?"

“It was in Sri Lanka, I fell in love with her, it was a beautiful two-year story. A beautiful, intelligent, radiant, funny woman, I can tell you so many qualities that we would still be there tomorrow how much I loved her. But a few weeks after I met her I met Merlin and he told me what you know and I had to bring myself to give up on her and of course I kept lying to her about my story , it was torture."

“In my opinion, if Emma manages to forgive me, she will forgive you”

“Know that I doubt it you see because she unlike Emma, she does not come from our world, it would be impossible for her to believe me and trust me completely. Anyway, I know I won't see her again and that's okay. I don't think I even want her forgiveness. ”

“So you have harvested the hearts of all the girls in this world to forget it and forget your world, dom Juan”

“Yeah that's all I had left. I know it's pathetic, I'm not very proud, really not ”

“I don't judge you, don't worry"

"Thank you"

"You know after what I did to Emma even that, girls, sex, I didn't want to, I never found the strength”

“Don't tell me that in 10 years, you never made up your mind to indulge yourself a little, certainly of your colleagues, they are very sexy ”

“We're not the same August.”

"Just kidding, but I know moping is not the best solution, you should try to move on, you deserve it, Neal"

"It was not you who said at the moment that a woman who is from this world is not the right solution because she cannot trust us completely"

“I'm trying to cheer you up as best I can. But while waiting for all this, you can continue to have a little happiness. And luckily, you might find someone who can understand. ”

“Thank you,” he smiled at me. "You know, I freak out a lot because of my dad. You can't understand, yours is Geppetto, he wanted to protect you, he is a very nice man, but me, my father, is the dark one and you know very well what he did to me "

“You're right, I can't really understand but no matter how deep I deny it, I still blame him for leaving me and telling me to protect Emma when I was only 'a young child is even quite traumatic when I think about it, but I know he had no choice and that he did his duty. Neal, what I mean is that we are not that different, we had to live in this new world forever but there is one thing that bothers me, you were 14 when he abandoned you and now we have look about the same age it doesn't make sense because I was seven when the curse was cast and you should be in this world for years or even centuries how possible ? ”

“Do you know Never Land?”

"Yes, I saw the movie, I even saw the original play, but I didn't know this world existed, actually"

"Actually when my dad abandoned me, I met Wendy, I don't know the year but you know the year of the play or the time of the movie?"

“I would say 1900 and a few”

"Yeah so that's around this time when I arrived, I was taken in by the Darling for a while"

"It was in our world or in a London near the Enchanted Forest where the magic is not very present"

“Definitely that, yes. There was a shadow that was looking for a little boy, and instead of taking Wendy and her other brothers I sacrificed myself for them ”

“I really misjudged you,” I laughed.

“But I found myself face to face with Captain Hook”

"Wow! He didn't put you through the plank torture I hope"

“No, he was kind enough to begin with, he adopted me for a few months but eventually found out that his biggest goal was to kill my dad and use me. He was in love with my mother and my father killed him ”

"It's understanding this revenge"

“Even though I hate my father, I don't want him dead either”

"I don't think Hook is the only one who wants to kill her"

"Would you like to kill him?"

"I don’t know him, I’ve never met him but I know he hurt a lot of people, he must even be worse than the Evil Queen”

"I totally agree with you but I know he still has a good background"

"Everyone has it, I'm convinced of that, and then?"

“He delivered me to the lost children and I spent several years in Neverland, prisoner. Time doesn't exist there, I couldn't get old. I managed to escape thanks to Peter's shadow and found myself in this world. "

"You said they were looking for a boy, if it wasn't you who was it?"

"I don't know, they had a drawing but I didn't have time to look at it"

"And did you manage to get out of this?"

"You saw it right, no, I was totally lost but at 16 I had to start working, I had to find a real identity. I stole a car and worked in a luxury jewelry store in canada and stole watches. Then I ran away and that's where I met Emma in that car "

“Thief from the start, then”

“Stop judging me, Pinocchio”

“I don't have to do this anymore, Neal. I've never stolen in my life, it's true, but I swindled a lot of people, I was a real manipulator, also, I'm worse than you and I know it, but you and I know that is over now and speaking of money, come on ”

We left the bar.

"Where are we going?"

I wanted to give him back his money, his 10,000 dollars that I had in my account. We had to find a machine.

“Here, I'm giving them back to you, I didn't give them to Emma, I kept them for myself but with my book and the scams and other odd jobs, I can pay you back. Here, you need it as much as I do ”

For once I felt like I was truly altruistic. To my surprise, he gived me the tickets back.

“I am very grateful for your honesty and even quite surprised by this coming from you but keep them”

"Why?"

"Because this money is what you earned on your own, me it was Dirty money, money that came from theft and I wasn't even punished for it, I don't deserve this money but you do. I thank you anyway, ”he smiled at me.

"Tell me, you know where you are going to sleep?"

“I'm going to find myself a hotel”

“You can come to my place, in my little studio, I'll leave the sofa to you”

“It’s too much honor, Mr. the Rumplestiltskin’s son”

“Yeah, don't call me that,” he laughed.

His apartment was a bit miserable, but he seemed to like it.

"It should do it," I quipped.

"Have you lived here long?"

“A little under ten years, yeah, my job too. I actually met a girl who helped me get it all "

"Tell me about her"

I heard a hesitation in his voice.

“Oh, she’s just a friend. She works in the police force, but a little more secretive, and she heard about Emma's arrest in my stead and she tried to help me, get me away from Portland and Vancouver where they are. still wanted my skin apparently ”

"Ouch, sorry, I didn't plan that"

"So she really helped me to forget myself and get back to a normal life"

“It's great people like that, you may not know how good it can be to talk about magic, Enchanted forest with someone who wouldn't take us for crazy, I finally feel honest, towards myself"

"Same for me, he laughed"

We continued to talk and laugh until 2am. I felt like I was a teenager chatting with a friend again and it has never been so enjoyable. And, that night was like a last rest, before the big job. The next morning, he accompanies me in front of his house.

"So is it finally the big day?" I sighed

“Neal, I wouldn't know how to thank you.”

“We'll do it again when you want, when you've done what you have to do”

“Maybe you think it's over with Emma but if my whole story has taught me one thing it's that there is always hope, when I have made Emma believe in all that, a beautiful day you will meet again and it will not be over, I promise you, otherwise I will make sure. ”

I touched his shoulder.

“Keep hope, Neal”

“You too, August, thank you, good luck and call me if there's anything”

"No problem and when it's over I'll send you a postcard"

Thinking back to all this, I tell myself that Neal and I were very close and not only through Emma. What made everyone unhappy in Storybrooke was the fault of our two fathers who wanted to do everything for us. Rumplestiltskin wanted to do everything to find Neal, which is why he created the curse and manipulated the Evil Queen into casting it and on the other hand my dad thought if I was in the spell I would be back a puppet, it is for this reason, that he sent me in the cupboard with Emma and this endured the fate ...


End file.
